Here is a list of books that have helped me tremendously. I will add more books as I have the time to, and as I come across them.
1. The Bible -- I recommend starting in the New Testament with Mathew, and just keep going from there. Also, I recommend the King James Version. Yes, the language can be a bit difficult at times, but well worth the read. The King James Version is a word for word translation from the Greek and Hebrew in which the Bible was originally written. Other translations are not always accurate; some translations leave things out, and don't always translate things properly in the way that it was meant to be (because some "translations" aren't necessarily a translation but they are a summary of how that author interprets the Bible's meaning). So, I find that the King James Version is the most accurate Bible translation out there (that I am aware of).
2. Toxic Parents: Overcoming Their Hurtful Legacy and Reclaiming Your Life By: Susan Forward, Ph.D. with Craig Buck -- This book really helped me a lot. It helped me to see just how dysfunctional my childhood was, and to stop feeling responsible for everything. Going through this book with my counselor helped me to hand the responsibility back onto the people who were placing their responsibility onto me.
There are a few things that I don't completely agree with. The first of which has to do with honoring our parents. The Bible says that we are to honor our parents; Ephesians 6:1-3 "Children, obey your parents in the Lord: for this is right. Honor thy father and mother; (which is the first commandment with promise;) that it may be well with thee, and thou mayest live long on the earth". Sadly, however, I think that there are parents who abuse the fact that children should honor their parents, and take it to a level that is not pleasing to God. Ephesians 6:4 goes on to say, "And, ye fathers, provoke not your children to wrath: but bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord". It is my opinion that when you are dealing with your parents (or anyone) that you should speak the truth in love; that you can both set boundaries and honor your parents at the same time. Set your boundaries by speaking the truth in love (not malice and hate), and then hold firm to the boundaries that you have set. I feel that speaking the truth in love should always be used even if you have determined that it is necessary to stop having contact with your parents (or anyone) because they are too toxic or dangerous. Find the most respectful way to tell them what it is that you want to say, and they are responsible for the way in which they react to it. Everyone is accountable for THEIR OWN behaviors and reactions.
The other has to do with forgiveness. The book states that you don't have to forgive in order to start your healing journey. While I find nothing wrong with that statement; I do feel that it is vitally important for a person to get to the place where they can forgive. Un-forgiveness breeds anger and hate in one's heart and life, and will ultimately make you miserable by weighing and dragging you down. Forgiveness is not for the guilty party's sake, but for yours. There is a freedom that comes with forgiving others. The second half of this is the description used for forgiveness, "I came to realize that there are two facets to forgiveness: giving up the need for revenge, and absolving the guilty party of responsibility" (pg. 178). I do not agree with the second half of that description. I believe that you can and in some situations should hold the offending person responsible for their own actions; which is something that I did when I filed charges of sexual abuse against my ex-step-dad. TO ME forgiveness means: to let go of anger/hate and the need for revenge; to place the situation in God's hands. TO ME forgiveness DOES NOT MEAN: that you have to forget what was done, that you have to stay friends with that person, and that you don't have to hold the person accountable/responsible for their actions because actions have consequences to them.
3. Who Switched Off My Brain? : Controlling Toxic Thoughts and Emotions By: Dr. Caroline Leaf --This book helped me to see how my toxic thoughts can wreak havoc on my body and health. There was a lot of technical words that I had a hard time understanding, but I was still able to understand the book well enough to understand the overall point of the book. The book talks about how toxic thoughts have been connected to a wide range of emotional and health related issues.
4. Hurt People Hurt People By: Sandra D. Wilson -- It's been a while since I've read this book; it was a really good book though.
5. The Five Love Languages: How to Express Heartfelt Commitment to Your Mate By: Gary Chapman -- This is truly a great book, and I would highly recommend it to anyone.
6. They Walked With Him By: Donna VanLiere -- This is a great book that shows that the disciples in the Bible were regular people just like you and me. That they had struggles like everyone else. This truly is a great book to read.
7. A Woman's Way through The Twelve Steps By: Stephanie S. Covington, Ph.D. -- This is a great book, and the lessons taught in this book work for every aspect of a person's life. You don't have to be an alcoholic to read this book. You can substitute any addiction (food, drugs, sex, co-dependency, Internet, etc...) for the word alcohol. I read this book as part of a co-dependency group, and I learned a great deal from it. There is also a work book that goes along with this book.
8. Get Out of Your Mind & Into Your Life: The New Acceptance & Commitment Therapy By: Steven C. Hayes, Ph.D with Spencer Smith -- This was a great book, and helped me a lot. This book helped me put into action things I knew that I needed to do, but couldn't quite figure out how to do it. I have known for a very long time that I needed to come to terms with my past. This book showed me that I had to be willing to fully accept my past, the way that it made me feel, and then it showed me how to move forward and not dwell on the negative. It's one of those books where you need to take the time to fully understand what it is teaching you, and how to apply it to your life. This book is well worth the effort that it asks you to put into practice. I read this book as part of a group for depression. I would say that this book works well for anyone who is not only feeling depressed, but for anyone who feels like they are stuck and just aren't sure on how to move forward. The main key is that you have to be willing to try the things in this book otherwise it does you no good if you are not willing. You first have to be willing to change in order for change to actually occur.
9. Surviving Childhood Sexual Abuse Workbook By: Carolyn Ainscough & Kay Toon -- This was a great book, and it really helped me a lot. However, this book can be intense, and you need to be prepared to be able to handle it. I love that in the beginning of this book they prepare you for what to do if you start to feel overwhelmed. What helped prepare me a lot for this book was the support group that I had done called "In the Wildflowers". This was a support group for dealing with childhood sexual abuse, and it was also a great group and a great help to me.
10. Battlefield of the Mind: Winning the Battle in Your Mind By: Joyce Meyer -- This was a great book to read. It really reinforced some things that I learned while in group counseling, but with more of a Christian perspective and foundation. I really enjoyed reading this Joyce Meyer book, and would defiantly like to read more books by her.
11. When God Doesn't Make Sense By: Dr. James Dobson -- This truly is a great book!! In this book Dr. Dobson tackles the awesome "why" question. There is so much insight and wisdom in this book. This truly is a great book to read especially if you are asking that all elusive "why" question.
12. Every Day A Friday By: Joel Osteen -- This is another great book!!! In this book Joel Osteen talks about how to live a happy life every day. He talks about how to deal with every day situations which can rob us of our happiness, and how to deal with past hurts. He talks about how to keep things in the right perspective, and how to keep yourself encouraged.
13. The Bait of Satan (Living Free From the Deadly Trap of Offense) By: John Bevere -- This is a great book! It talks about the trap of offense, what happens when we hold onto offenses, and how to let go of them.
