East to West - Casting Crowns [with lyrics]

     This is a great song. One of the reasons why I love this song so much is that I can identify with so much of this song. I know what it feels like to think that you are drowning in God's sea of forgetfulness, and to yearn for peace of mind from my past. I know what it feels like to pray to God for him to not leave me where I am at, to save me, and to take me out of the pit that I was in. I have even longed for God to show me just how far he has cast my sin and shame from me. Did you know that east and west don't meet? This song is about Jesus taking our sin and casting it from the east to west...our sin is taken so far away from us that it will never meet us again!!! Jesus' arms were spread out (east to west) for us when he died upon the cross for us. That we may be reconciled with God. Psalms 103:12 "As far as the east is from the west, so far hath he removed our transgressions from us". I can identify with every part of this great song.
    
   

A Proper Testimony

     I've been thinking about what a proper testimony means to me. Mark 8:36 says, "For what shall it profit a man, if he shall gain the whole world, and lose his own soul?". This verse has some new meaning for me. What shall it profit me if I go out and help others, but my family is left by the wayside. I must first have a good testimony in the eyes of my husband and kids before I can have a good testimony before anyone else. If I go out and try my best to show others the love of God by standing up and telling others my testimony, but if I'm not first showing that love of God to my husband and kids...then what does that profit me or anyone else? How can I possibly have any kind of testimony in the sight of others about God if my family is not seeing me put forth the same amount of effort if not more into showing them the love of God? The answer is...I can't possibly have any kind of good testimony let alone a testimony that will last. I must first make sure that I am being the wife and mother that I am called to be.

     And that brings me to my next point. When God says to walk away from something he means for you to walk away from it. Not to close your eyes, turn your head and not look at it, or to cover it up with a blanket; so that it's still there, but your just not dealing with it. I have been guilty of that lately. God told me to walk away from something, and I didn't want to walk away from it totally...so, I just stepped back from it and covered it; so that it was still there but not out front and center. Was there anything really wrong with it...no, not necessarily. But anything that hinders my ability to continue to improve in taking care of my family is something that does not need to be in my life right now. I need to focus more on my family, and anything that is distracting me too much from doing that has to go. This all goes back to first having a good testimony in the sight of my husband and kids before having a testimony before others, and being obedient to what I feel God is wanting me to do.

     This also brings me to yet another point...about having the proper or right mindset. Romans 12:2 says, "And be not conformed to this world: but be ye transformed by the renewing of your mind, that ye may prove what is that good, and acceptable, and perfect, will of God". I'm sure that you are wondering what does that scripture have to do with having a proper testimony. Well, it has a lot to do with it. Having a proper testimony has to do with every aspect of your life, and not just one area. Our mindset towards things determines our attitude and our outlook on things. The biggest thing is to listen to what God is saying to you, and the more you cultivate your relationship with Him the better you will hear God when he speaks to your heart. I feel as though God has been speaking to me about things that are in my life that are keeping me from fully being able to cultivate the type of mindset that I feel that God wants ME to have. And this is the example that I will give you...I like to watch Investigation Dateline in the afternoon, and I have recently decided that even though I like the show (and there is nothing wrong with this show in and of itself) I just feel as though it is something that God doesn't want me watching right now. So, after a little bit of struggle, I finally listened to the will of God for me in my life, and have stopped watching it. Again, this is for me and my life...I just feel like it's one of the things that God has been laying on my heart to walk away from because for what ever reason it is not helping me to cultivate the type of mindset that I feel that God wants me to be working on having. And this circles right on back around to listening to the will of God in your life...when he says to walk away from something he means it. Don't try to cover it up and hide it...walk away from it.

     For me at lest this is all part of the bigger picture of having a proper testimony. Making sure that I am first and foremost listening to the will of God for me in my life so that I can have a good testimony in the eyes of my husband and kids. Because with out that good testimony I cannot have a good or lasting testimony when I stand before others.

3 New Bills Proposed In Texas

     Ok, all you Texans out there...there are some new proposed laws out there that you should take the time to read and research. You should take the time read these newly proposed laws to see if you either agree or disagree with them. It's important to support a good law and to challenge a bad one, but in order to be able to do that you need to be aware of the facts of that proposed law. On these bills to get to read the full text of the bill you have to click on the "Text" tab and then chose which format you want to use to read it.


1.) Bill SB 198 - This bill is about creating some exemptions for sex offender registration. It would apply to those who are convicted of certain sex crimes who are no more than 4 years older than the victim or intended victim who is at least 14 years old. Also, in order to gain the exemption is has to be shown that the person's conduct was done only with the CONSENT of the victim or intended victim. This to me sounds like an exemption bill for teenagers who got caught having consensual sex where there is a big enough age difference for one of them to be charged with a sex crime like statutory rape. There is more to this bill than what I have written; so, I encourage you to read it for yourself.


2.) Bill SB 166 - This bill is about civil commitment of sex offenders, and the creation of a state agency to preform the tasks of the civil commitment program which is currently being done by the Council on Sex Offender Treatment. Some examples of those who could be placed in the civil commitment program are those who were found not guilty by reason of insanity, those guilty of certain sexually violent crimes,  and those who "may be a repeat sexually violent offender". To me this bill came across like it was probation on steroids. The offender has to notify where they are expected to live once released from prison, has to wear a monitoring system, and has to abide by the "treatment" plan and supervision plan that has been designed for them. If they wish to move they must gain permission to do so. Some of the requirements will include "requiring the person to reside in a Texas residential facility under contract with the office [council] or at another location or facility approved by the office [council]". I do not think that all who are put into the civil commitment program will be required to live in such contracted residential facilities. Also, some of them may be required to live in supervised housing. There will be child safety zones in place for which these offenders cannot live in. They will be subject to polygraphs. There will be assessments to determine if there needs to be changes made to a person's "treatment" plan or to their supervision rules, and to even determine if the person can be taken off of the civil commitment program based on if that particular person is no longer deemed to be a risk to society. There is a LOT to this bill, and I highly recommend that you read it in it's entirety. The reason why I said that this bill sounds like probation on steroids is because a lot of the supervision rules for these offenders sounds a lot like the rules that my ex-step-dad has to abide by for the remaining 9 years that he has left on his probation.

3.) Bill SB 98 - This bill is about human trafficking. Ok, I'm having a hard time understanding this bill. From some of what I do understand this bill seems to outline under what conditions a person can be charged with multiple charges of human trafficking,  and if a person is found guilty of multiple charges from the same "episode" they can either serve their time concurrently or consecutively. This bill also states that a victim has 5 years after the day to bring forward a personal injury suit from injuries they suffered from conduct that violates some of the penal codes that they have outlined in this bill...to include sexual assault, aggravated sexual assault, continuous sexual abuse of young child or children, trafficking of persons, trafficking of child in furtherance of sexual conduct or performance, or continuous trafficking of persons. This bill also talks about under which conditions the defendant can receive life in prison. There are sections that talk about getting out on parole, but the person has to serve at least half of their sentence or 30 years which ever is shorter, but must serve a minimum of 2 years. There is so much to this bill, and so many different scenarios that are talked about that I couldn't keep up with what exactly they were talking about. This bill is defiantly something that you have to read for yourself in order to try to understand it. There is just so much that is covered in this bill.

Mighty To Save by Laura Story

     This is yet again another one of those songs that I just love. A great song about the saving grace of God. God truly is mighty to save!! It doesn't matter what your situation is...God has seen it all, and still loves us enough to bring salvation to us. Let me get one thing straight here...a victim of any kind of abuse has done NOTHING WRONG!!! But we tend to take the blame onto ourselves as though we are the guilty party. So, I tend to address things from that stand point; knowing that there are many hurting victims that blame themselves, and think that it is somehow their fault. I've been there...done that, and know how that works. It took me a long time to fully let go of that self blame. It helped me a lot when I realized that it was not a sin that I committed somehow, but that it was a sin that was committed AGAINST me. That is when I first started to realize that the sexual abuse was not my fault. So, whether you are carrying guilt over bad choices that you've made or carrying the guilt of sins that have been committed against you...God is mighty to save, mighty to heal, and mighty to deliver.

A Link to Rebecca Kiessling's Website & A Side Note About God's Free Gift

     I would like to share with all of you a link that has come to my attention. It's a link to Rebecca Kiessling's website. She is a woman who was conceived during a rape, and who has found ultimate healing in Christ Jesus. She for many years wondered who could ever love her because of how she was conceived, but found out that she was created by God and not by the rapist...her conception no longer defines who she is. She has a great testimony, and although she herself was not raped, I feel that she struggled with many of the things that a survivor of rape, sexual abuse, and abuse have suffered with. She beautifully describes how she went from having no self worth to finding out that her value in the eyes of God is incalculable.

     Your worth in the eyes of God is INCALCULABLE!!! You are worth more than any amount of silver or gold to God. In fact you have already been bought with a price...the price of God's only son, Jesus Christ, who died for you so that you could have remission of sins, and so that you could live an abundant life. That abundant life includes healing from your hurts, your past, and your sicknesses. There is so much good that God wants for you.

     If you would like to receive this free gift from God, all you have to do is say a sincere prayer asking God to forgive you of your sins, ask that He send is son Jesus to come live in your heart, and that He sends His Holy Spirit to come guide you. My next suggestion would be that you start working on cultivating your relationship with God by finding a good church, reading your Bible (start with the New Testament), and by praying. Pray and ask God to help you heal from your past, and to open your eyes to show you the life that He has planned for you.

     I hope that doesn't sound like too much. The prayer just has to come from your heart and be sincere. I think the number one thing that  a new Christian needs to do is to grow and cultivate their relationship with God. I hope that you, whom ever you are, will accept this free gift from God. Accepting God into my life was the best thing that I have ever done.

Amazing Grace My Chains Are Gone

     I love this version of Amazing Grace. As a survivor of sexual abuse I have often felt like I was chained to my abuse, my abuser, and my past. And I think it's reasonable to say that most people at one time or another have felt chained to something...sin, addiction, bad choices, abuse, and even just every day things. But it is through the price that was paid on the cross by Jesus Christ that we can be set free from those chains. I know that I have been set free from my chains of abuse, and what a glorious freedom it is!!! It is my hope that as you draw closer to God that you will allow Him to set you free. I know all too well how difficult the process can be, but oh, what a glorious and wondrous freedom there is awaiting you in the arms of the Healer. God's grace truly is amazing, and His love unending.

Nicole C. Mullen - Come Unto Me [Lyrics]

     This is another one of those songs that I just love!! Jesus is saying "come unto me", and He will take you just as you are because he loves you more than you can imagine. He wants you to bring to Him your hurt, pain, sorrow, brokenness, and loneliness, and He will give you joy, peace, happiness, and love. Jesus will enrich your life more than you can imagine. But God doesn't just want us to bring him our pain and sorrow; he wants to rejoice with us in our joy and happiness too.

RESCUE ME / SELAH

     This is one of my favorite songs of all time (of which I have many). I can completely identify with the feeling of being so overwhelmed that it's like your drowning. I just identify with the message of this song so much. I have found it to be true in my life experiences that when I truly give my problems to God that my burdens are lifted and much easier to work with. I just love this song because when I feel overwhelmed it's like my soul cries out with it for God to rescue me. I don't know how to explain it...this song is soothing to my soul because I know that my God and King will rescue me.

So, I Thought I Was Ready To Come Home

     Oh, how I was ready to come home after our trip to see family. I was excited to get home and to go into supermom mode...cleaning house faster than a speeding bullet. I figured that THIS TIME I would be able to kick it into gear, and to be able to do all the things that I wanted to do without getting too overwhelmed. But it was not to be I guess. After everything...all the toys, suitcases, and anything else that was brought home made it into the house...the overwhelming / paralyzing feeling just took over. We are blessed with a family that loves to give gifts to the kids, but then where to put it all...and what about laundry...and dishes....oh, and don't forget the house needs food in it. I guess that I just allowed myself to get bogged down with it all.

     A tornado hit the military post where my husband works; so, he's been called back to work a few days early for the clean up. So, when the girls got into everything and our living room started to look like a tornado zone I knew that my husband wouldn't want to come home to that. You would think that knowing that would help me get my butt into gear and get to cleaning, but no it didn't. I was feeling to overwhelmed / paralyzed by that time to be able to do anything. So, he came home, and got to cleaning. The hardest part is seeing the disappointment on his face and body. Once he got it all picked up I was able to pitch in and help some.

     Sometimes I sit and wonder how it is that I became this way. I wasn't like this in high school. I know that I've never been that great at keeping up with house work, but I don't ever remember feeling so overwhelmed that I felt paralyzed. As far as I can tell this problem started when I started dealing with the sexual abuse that I went through, and I long for the days when I didn't have this problem. But then I have to remind myself that back in the days when I didn't have this problem I had other problems that were much worse (like sexual abuse and a suicidal mother). I know that I'm gaining some victories over this "feeling so overwhelmed that I'm paralyzed " feeling, but I can't help but wish that the fight was over and that I've won. I don't like this fight, and the disappointment that it causes not only with-in myself, but with my husband as well. I don't know if he realizes just what he did for me the other night when he cleaned up all the toys, and clothes off the floor from our trip. Once I could see the floor again I could feel that paralyzing feeling lifting off of me. He put me in a much better position for being able to tackle the rest of the house. If he had not helped me like that, I don't know how long it would have taken me to snap out of it...several days too many, would be my guess.

     I thank the Lord for giving me the strength to continue with this fight. It's all too easy for me to just give in to being paralyzed by my feelings of being overwhelmed, and to sit and do nothing all day. I know that's not God's will for my life, and it's not the life that I want to live. God willing, and I think that He is, I will one day win this war.