Moving Back To My Home State Is Harder Than I Thought It Would Be

     I'm a military wife (and proud of it!!). We are currently in the process of doing a military move to our home state of Texas. While we have been home to visit several times, this time it's different for me. I knew that moving back to Texas would bring back some unpleasant memories and feelings, but I didn't think that it would hit me as hard as it has. It's amazing how fast old feelings can come back...feelings that I've gotten past and haven't had to deal with in a while. Feelings of not belonging, of being different, not fitting in...of being a leper. Feeling like I've been betrayed by my mom. While she didn't actually know the abuse was going on, I think that she knew something wasn't right, and ignored her gut instinct that said something was wrong.

     It feels like I'm returning to the scene of the crime, and that is an unpleasant feeling indeed. While I was thinking about this yesterday I had a thought that I think only God would have put there. The thought was this...go to the house pray for it and bless it. Only God would say something like that. As I thought about it I could picture the layout of the house and the rooms in it. I tried to picture myself along with others praying in each room of the house, and I couldn't handle it. I broke down and started to cry. I tryed to cry quitely as to not bring attention to myself. I didn't want my husband to see that I was crying, and I didn't want to tell him what was going on with me. Moving back to Texas is something that we have taked about and have both agreed to, and wanted to do. I don't want him to feel bad that being home this time is harder for me than it has been in the past. I keep telling God that I don't want to go back into bondage. Reminding God (and myself) that I have been delivered from my past, and there is no reason to allow those old feelings to riegn over me again. I've been asking God for strength to help me not to back slide into allowing my past to rule once again. I know God has set me free from it and I refuse to allow my past to try to rule over me again. I thank God for a very good friend of mine who called me yesterday, and talked to me. I felt so much better afterwards. I know that I can't go to my childhood home alone and ask them if I can pray for their house, and I won't even try to do that. The people living there don't even know who I am, and would probably think I'm crazy. I would consider going with others for support. I don't even know if I would be able to speak standing there in that house. I would probably need to have someone do the praying for me. I don't know if I'm strong enough to do it, but I also know that God wouldn't ask me to do something that I couldn't handel.

     As I lay in bed lastnight, I did pray for that house and asked God to bless the house and the rooms in it. I asked God to bind the pincipalites and powers, and evil spirits that were at work in the home, while I was growing up, to be bound in the name of Jesus, and to be sent to Jesus to be delt with according to God's will. That the gound that was once cursed (because to me it feels like cursed ground) to now be blessed in the name of Jesus. I can honestly say that I feel much better today. Not all the feelings that I've been struggling with have gone away completly, but I'm confidante that they will. I will set my mind on things to come and not on my  past. I know my God will help me through this!!

The Knowledge Of Good And Evil: Part 1

     Ok, so I know that I started this series once before, but here we go. Every time I think I'm done with this paper I see more that I want to work on in the paper. So, I'm going to just go ahead a post what I have on it...I'd say I'm done this time, but I know better than that...lol. I hope that you will enjoy reading this series.

I recently was reading over the fall of man, and how the devil deceived Eve into eating the forbidden fruit in the garden. Now, Adam and Eve were already experiencing good. They received of the goodness of God, but because they had no reference point, they did not know that they were experiencing the goodness of God. The way it has been explained to me, which I have found to be very helpful, is to compare it to a baby. When a parent feeds, clothes, and takes care of an infant, the baby is experiencing good, but does not understand that what he or she is experiencing is called good because he/she has never experienced good before. The same principal can be applied to evil. So, when Adam and Eve partook of the forbidden fruit from "the tree of the knowledge of good and evil" (Genesis 2:17) they had an awakening of the knowledge of good and evil. While reading about Adam and Eve I saw some similarities between the hardships that they went through and that of the hardships of a survivor of abuse. The things that I’m going to write about can be applied to many areas of our lives, and is not limited to people who have suffered through abuse. I’m relating this to the area of abuse due to the experiences that I’ve had in my own life, and the things that I have learned along the way. So, let’s dive right into it. 

 

Here's how the fall of mankind happened: 

 

First, God gave a commandment to Adam saying, "Of every tree of the garden thou mayest freely eat: But of the tree of the knowledge of good and evil, thou shalt not eat of it: for in the day that thou eatest thereof thou shalt surely die" (Genesis 2:16, 17). Then in Genesis 2:18 Eve was created, “And the Lord God said, It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him an help meet [aid] for him”.  Adam called her woman because she was taken out of man, and was bone of his bone and flesh of his flesh (Genesis 2:23). So, Eve was created AFTER God gave the commandment to Adam about not eating from the tree of the knowledge of good and evil. It is a widely held assumption that Adam had to have told Eve about God’s commandment, and we can only assume that there was some kind of miscommunication about what God had said due to what seems like a slight misunderstanding of God’s commandment that we will see here shortly. 

 

Now, enters Satan in the form of a serpent set out to deceive, and this is where it gets interesting. Genesis 3:1 says, “Now the serpent was more subtil [cunning/crafty] than any beast of the field which the Lord God had made. And he [the devil] said unto the woman, Yea, hath God said, Ye shall not eat of every tree of the garden?” Here we see the devil misquoting God and saying the complete opposite of what God really said.  

 

This is where Eve gets into some trouble because this is where we see she has a misunderstanding of God's word. Eve also miss-quotes God by saying in Genesis 3:2-3, "We may eat of the fruit of the trees of the garden: But of the fruit of the tree which is in the midst of the garden, God hath said, Ye shall not eat of it, neither shall ye touch it, lest ye die". The miss-quote here is where Eve says they are not even allowed to touch the fruit of the tree of the knowledge of good and evil without dying. This is where we see that there must have been some kind of miscommunication between Adam and Eve. Perhaps in his zeal to convey to Eve just how important it was to not eat the fruit of the tree of the Knowledge of Good and Evil he told her to just leave it alone and to not even touch it. The Bible does not record how that conversation went, so that is just a huge guess on my part. 

 

Now, Satan sees that he can exploit and deceive Eve because of a weakness that he perceives in her understanding of God's word. Hosea 4:6 tells us that God’s people are destroyed because of their lack of knowledge. Satan comes back at Eve with this contradiction to God's word, "Ye shall not surely die: For God doth know that in the day ye eat thereof, then your eyes shall be opened, and ye shall be as gods, knowing good and evil" (Genesis 3:4-5). So, Satan tells Eve that not only will she not die if she eats this fruit, but that if she does eat it that she will become like God.

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The Knowledge Of Good And Evil: Part 2

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Genesis 3:6-11; 17-19 tells the rest of the story that I want to look at:

 

"(6) And when the woman saw that the tree was good for food, and that it was pleasant to the eyes, and a tree to be desired to make one wise, she took of the fruit thereof, and did eat, and gave also unto her husband with her; and he did eat. (7) And the eyes of them both were opened, and they knew that they were naked; and they sewed fig leaves together, and made themselves aprons. (8) And they heard the voice of the Lord God walking in the garden in the cool of the day: and Adam and his wife hid themselves from the presence of the Lord God amongst the trees of the garden. (9) And the Lord God called unto Adam, and said unto him, Where art thou? (10) And he said, I heard thy voice in the garden, and I was afraid, because I was naked; and I hid myself. (11) And he said, Who told thee that thou wast naked? Hast thou eaten of the tree, whereof I commanded thee that thou shouldest not eat? (17) And unto Adam he said, Because thou hast hearkened unto the voice of thy wife, and hast eaten of the tree, of which I commanded thee, saying, Thou shalt not eat of it: cursed is the ground for thy sake; in sorrow shalt thou eat of it all the days of thy life; (18) Thorns also and thistles shall it bring forth to thee; and thou shall eat the herb of the field; (19) In the sweat of thy face shalt thou eat bread, till thou return unto the ground; for dust thou art, and unto dust shalt thou return". 

 

There are several things that I want to take a look at here. The first thing is that Eve saw the fruit and saw that it looked good to eat. Eve probably took the fruit in her hands and gave it a good looking over. If you'll remember, Eve told the serpent that they couldn't eat or touch the fruit of that tree without dying. So, when she didn't die from touching the fruit, doubt of God's word probably set in. Eve also fell prey to these three things that can get anyone into trouble: (1) lust of the flesh, (2) the lust of the eyes, and (3) the pride of life. These three things the Bible says are not from God but is of this world (1John 2:16 “For all that is in the world, the lust of the flesh, and the lust of the eyes, and the pride of life, is not of the Father, but is of the world”). First Eve fell prey to the lust of the eyes. She looked at the fruit, and it became desirable to her. She then lusted after it which is the lust of the flesh. In other words…she wanted it; she wanted to be like God. She wanted to have the knowledge that God has, and I think there was probably some jealousy and pride involved here in wanting to be like God; this is the pride of life. So, not only did she eat the forbidden fruit, but she gave it to Adam to eat as well. Proverbs 1:7 tells us, “The fear of the Lord is the beginning of knowledge”. While Psalm 111:10 puts it this way, “The fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom: a good understanding have all they that do his commandments…”.  So, this begs the question…where was their fear of the Lord at on that day, in that moment of time, when they ate of the forbidden fruit? I’m not sure I have the answer to that. My best guess would be in that moment of time the lust of the flesh, lust of the eyes, and the pride of life was greater than their fear of the Lord in that brief moment of time (something that happens to us all when we are blinded by our desires). Which I then believe came crashing down when they realized what they had done. 

 

Here comes the wake-up call that I'm sure they instantly regretted. They suddenly knew what it meant to be naked, and had the full knowledge of what good and evil was. They were afraid because of their disobedience towards God. They tried to cover themselves up, and tried to hide from the presence of God. They didn't have to tell God what they had done because their actions spoke for themselves, and it was a sign to God of their disobedience. Adam and Eve’s actions spoke to the fact that they disobeyed God’s commandment, and likewise it would have been their actions afterwards that would have spoken of repentance.  

 

Now, after the fall of Adam and Eve the Bible no longer talks about God coming down and walking openly with Adam and Eve. It’s not that God didn’t want to come down and walk with them, but it is that he no longer could because of the sin nature that was now in them. Before their fall they were in a sinless state of being, and because there was no sin in them they could see the face of God and live. Exodus 33:20 says, “And he [God] said, Thou canst not see my face: for there shall no man see me, and live”. It’s the sin nature that is within us that makes it impossible for us to stand face to face before a Holy God and live. Yet, due to his love, mercy, and grace for them (and us) God withdrew his physical presence from Adam and Eve so that they could re-cultivate their relationship with him. I believe that God may have kept his spiritual presence (his Spirit) with them, but just withdrew his physical presence from them. Romans 5:20 states, “…where sin abounded, grace did much more abound:”, and Romans 6:23 states, “For the wages of sin is death; but the gift of God is eternal life though Jesus Christ our Lord”. This verse in 2 Peter 3:9 drives it home…and it says, “The Lord is not slack concerning his promise, as some men count slackness; but is long-suffering to us-ward, not willing that any should perish, but that all should come to repentance”. God loves us all and desires to give us all a chance to come to repentance and into a right relationship with him. This is why I believe God withdrew his physical presence from Adam and Eve in the garden.

The Knoledge Of Good And Evil: Part 3

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While I was reading over all of this it occurred to me how naive and trusting they were. After all they had no knowledge or understanding of evil. All they had ever experienced was a loving and caring God who was taking care of them and looking out for their best interest. They had no concept of deceit and betrayal. I doubt that it ever occurred to Eve that the serpent was laying a trap for her. 

 

Adam and Eve paid a high price for the knowledge of good and evil. Through their disobedience, sin and death entered into the world when they ate of the fruit, and because they now had sin in their lives God could no longer walk with them face to face. They experienced a spiritual death/disconnect from God first, and then a physical death at the end of their lives. When they experienced that first spiritual disconnect from God they no longer had that intimate relationship with God that they once had. Atonement for their sins, and for all who would come after them, now had to be made. God had to make a way for us to gain back our spiritual lives in Him. We see signs of the first animal sacrifice in Genesis 3:21”Unto Adam also and to his wife did the Lord God make coats of skins, and clothed them”. God had to first kill the animals in order to make the clothes. After this point in the Old Testament we see animal sacrifices as a way to seek redemption for our sins. However, it's not until the death, burial, and resurrection of Jesus Christ do we receive God's perfect plan for forgiveness of our sins, and to be fully reconciled with a Holy God. Ever since sin and death entered into the world mankind has been seeking a way to regain a personal/face to face relationship with God. In the Old Testament, and even today people can gain a personal relationship with God through faith. Genesis 15:6 talks about how Abram’s (Abraham’s) faith was counted as righteousness because he believed God, “And he [Abram] believed in the Lord: and he [the Lord] counted it to him [Abram] for righteousness”. Ephesians 2:8, 9, 13 says, “(8) For by grace are ye saved through faith; and that not of yourselves: it is the gift of God: (9) Not of works, lest any man should boast. (13) But now in Christ Jesus ye who sometimes were far off are made nigh [near] by the blood of Christ”. I recently heard someone put it this way…when we go to God and repent of our sins; God looks at us as though we have never sinned. How amazing is that!!! When we repent of our sins and ask for forgiveness, for which God is faithful to forgive, we can then stand before him blameless and sinless. Do you fully realize what that means? It means that we can have a personal/face to face relationship with God; for which we can cry Abba Father (Romans 8:15) and know that he is near to us at all times.  

 

Now, along with this hindered relationship with God, Adam and Eve had to leave the Garden of Eden...the only home they had ever known. Genesis 3:22-23 says, “And the Lord God said, Behold the man is become as one of us, to know good and evil: and now, lest he put forth his hand, and take also of the tree of life, and eat, and live for ever: Therefore the Lord God sent him forth from the garden of Eden, to till the ground from whence he was taken”. When they sinned, sin didn’t just enter into them and all who would come after them, but the whole world as well. To make this case I’d like us to take another look at Genesis 3:17-19 which says, “And unto Adam he said, Because thou hast hearkened unto the voice of thy wife, and hast eaten of the tree, of which I commanded thee, saying, Thou shalt not eat of it: cursed is the ground for thy sake; in sorrow shalt thou eat of it all the days of thy life; Thorns also and thistles shall it bring forth to thee; and thou shalt eat the herb of the field; In the sweat of thy face shalt thou eat bread, till thou return unto the ground; for out if it wast thou taken: for dust thou art, and unto dust shalt thou return”. In my opinion, it’s not that God is cursing the ground, but that he is stating the consequences of their disobedience, or another way to look at it is that God was prophesying over them. Since sin entered into the world, and not just Adam and Eve, the ground is now not going to be as easy to take care of and won’t provide in the ways that it otherwise would have. This is why Adam was going to have to work hard all the days of his life to survive, and why the ground was now going to bring forth thorns and thistles. Now, God is still God, and still providing for their needs. However, it is now more of a faith walk than it was before the fall of man (Hebrews 11:1 “Now faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen”). Adam and Eve had to trust through faith that God would provide for their needs as they did what they were called to do in their lives. Just as Adam and Eve had a lifetime of hard work to survive so too does a survivor to heal. Healing is a difficult process, and for some will last a life time. Things that once were easy for a victim of abuse suddenly become much more difficult. For most healing doesn’t happen overnight, and any ground gained must be maintained if we wish to continue to move forward in our healing. It can seem like a never ending process…gaining new ground while maintaining that which we have already conquered.  

 

God really gave me new insight while read the book of Joshua in the Bible. To me the whole book is about going and possessing the land which God had promised, and about walking in the promises of God. Here is one of the lessons that I have learned…you cannot go and posses the land without there being a battle that has to be first fought and then won. If we as survivors wish to heal and to be able to move on with our lives we have to fight for it. You can’t put half an effort into healing; you have to put your whole heart and everything you have into it. With every battle that I’ve fought I’ve won new ground. With every new ground that has been won I have had to work (and work hard at times) to maintain the new ground won. If I don’t go and possess the land (the new ground won), then I’m in real danger of losing the victory that has just been won. I know at times it seems like one big battle after another with no rest in sight, but there are times of rest. Once the ground has been won and maintained, then there is rest. I love what Joshua 1:13 says, “Remember the word which Moses the servant of the Lord commanded you, saying, The Lord your God hath given you rest, and hath given you this land”. God has given me victories and with those victories comes rest. Hallelujah! Praise God! Some more great news is that I have not fought any of these battles on my own. God has always been by my side fighting these battles with me. I like what Joshua 23:3 says when talking about all the victories that God had given the children of Israel, “And ye have seen all that the Lord your God hath done unto all these nations because of you; for the Lord your God is he that hath fought for you”. I know that my God has fought for me, and will continue to fight for me! I also find comfort in Joshua 21:45, “There failed not ought [word] of any good thing which the Lord had spoken unto the house of Israel; all came to pass”. I know that as a child of God, he has spoken good things over my life. Every good thing that God has spoken over me will come to pass. I know it won’t all happen overnight, but it will happen…that’s a promise I can hold onto and count on.

The Knowledge Of Good And Evil: Part 4

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Evil is such a heavy burden to those who have experienced it. If you doubt this, just ask anyone who has survived abuse, war crimes, torture, rape, or any other evil act that is out there. To a victim and a survivor it's like suddenly becoming intimately aware about what evil truly is, and no matter how hard you try to erase this knowledge from your mind it will always be there.  

 

I'm going to use sexual abuse as my example here, since this is the experience that I have had. Once you've been violated like that, it's like a whole new world has been opened up to you…one that is harsh and unforgiving; a world where the innocent is suddenly the guilty. Those who prey on others are crafty and sly in all their ways; just as the serpent was with Eve in the garden (Genesis 3:1 “Now the serpent was more subtil [cunning/crafty] than any beast of the field which the Lord God had made”). Sexual abuse is not just a crime against the body, but against the soul as well. The survivor is left feeling like they have caused this evil to come upon themselves somehow. Always wondering what it was that they did to bring about and to deserve such evil; that they must be the guilty one somehow. After all we must have done something to deserve it, or it wouldn't have happened...that's what our mind tells us anyways. We feel dirty and unworthy of love. How can we expect a Holy God or anyone else to want to have anything to do with such trash and filth? Oh, the lies...the lies we tell ourselves...the lies the devil whispers into our spirit. We can end up with such a disconnect between our hurting soul and a Holy and Loving God who cares for us. We find ourselves both searching for God and hiding from him. We search him out because we long to feel whole again, but hide because of the shame that we feel. For far too long I walked around feeling like a leper in hiding…normal looking on the outside, but disease ridden on the inside. It’s so hard to feel normal. Well, maybe I’m not, and will never be totally normal; and that’s ok because I know that God has a plan for my life. In Jeremiah 29:11 God tells me, “For I know the thoughts that I think toward you…thoughts of peace, and not of evil, to give you an expected end”. He has plans to bless me and the struggles that I’ve been through. For God uses our trials and hardships to develop our character and to strengthen our faith. It will be the path that takes us from who we are to who we will become. 

 

      There are far too many victims of abuse whose family members would rather deny the abuse than have to deal with it. The very ones who were supposed to rally around the victim to help them fight; instead turn a blind eye, let it continue, or just deny the fact it even happened. I am thankful that my family believed me when I spoke up, but there are far too many victims who are not believed when they speak out. The victim can become the outcast of the family, and in some cases the victim gets disowned. Some victims find themselves on their own because they had to move out for simply speaking the truth of what happened to them. So many people wonder where God could be, but here is the truth of it all...Jesus came to set us free from sin, our past, our hurt, our sicknesses, from everything that keeps us from having a personal and intimate relationship with God. In 2 Corinthians 1:3 we are told that God is the Father of mercies, and the God of all comfort. If we come to the cross, and lay our burdens down at the feet of Jesus he will be faithful to take our burdens upon himself...he will heal us of our pain. I've been there, and it's the most beautiful place to be; to lay it all out in front of God, and to feel peace take over the hurt and the pain. If you are angry at God for all the pain in your life please read this other post of mine by clicking [here]. In the post I talk about mankind’s free will…you see God freely loves us, and wants us to freely love him in return. That’s why he gave us free will. We can do all kinds of things with our free will. We can choose to either harm others, or to do good to others. We can choose to curse or to bless others. We can choose to hate or to love. Our fee will empowers us to make choices. Which means that others can use their free will to either choose to do good to us or to do evil upon us. It is not God who makes the choice for us or for others as to what we will do with our free will. Our actions are our responsibility; just as the actions of others are their responsibility. I also share an experience I had while my aunt and her friend were praying for me. A vision God gave me of where he was and what he was doing while the abuse was going on. I hope you will read my post entitled “Do You Blame God ForThe Hurt In Your Life”. 

 

Let’s continue, and look at the innocence of a child...they are innocent in every way; they trust those who are in their lives to only do good to them, and not evil. They do not perceive that others may not have their best interest at heart.  A child does not have a concept of betrayal or deceit. I may not have been a young child when my step-dad, Jon, started abusing me, but I still trusted him. I trusted him to keep evil far from me. That even though he lied to others, I thought surly he would never lie to me in such a way as to bring harm and evil upon me. I was a teenager when the abuse started, and yes, perhaps I should have known better than to believe all the lies that Jon was telling me. It was so much easier to believe all the lies than to face the truth of being betrayed like that. I was naive and trusting...perhaps in the same way that Eve was naive and trusting of the serpent. I had no personal, intimate knowledge of evil at the hands of someone I knew and trusted. At a young age I had become aware that evil could be done by a stranger...when one broke into the apartment that my mom and I were living in when I was about 5 years old. I saw the two of them fighting, and when I screamed for my mom he let go of her and left. That somehow seems so different to me...we are taught to expect that a stranger might hurt us in such ways, but not that someone whom we trust would do so. Both are devastating!! It's like your eyes are opened to a personal knowledge of what evil truly is. It's an experience that weighs heavy on your soul, and you wish that it all could be taken away from you. I’m sure Adam and Eve felt the same way once they truly grasped the reality of what they had done. 

 

I will never be able to be totally free from the memories of this intimate experience with evil. But praise be to God! I can be free from the effects that were left behind. In God I can find the freedom to feel safe again, to be free from the nightmares, to find out who I truly am in the eyes of my creator, to feel loved and cared for, to see that I have worth and am worthy, for all the hurt to be carried away and replaced with healing. I have to allow the knowledge of the goodness of God to outweigh the knowledge of evil that was forced upon me. I choose to dwell on the goodness of a living God who is Holy, and whose express being is love.

RAINN's 10 Safety Tips For Going Back To School

     According to RAINN's website, "College aged students are at the highest risk for being sexually assaulted; the majority of rapes are committed by someone who the victim knows. Being aware of this risk, looking out for your friends and using a bit of common sense are often the first steps in staying safe". Starting college is an exciting time...getting to meet new people, going to new places, and for many experiencing for the first time the freedom of being on your own. However, with these new adventures comes some risks and dangers. It's very important to be aware of your surroundings and what's going on around you. Getting to know a person takes time, and it's very important to make sure that you take that time to really get to know them.

Here are RAINN's 10 Safety Tips:

"1. Trust your instincts and be yourself. If you feel unsafe, or even uncomfortable, in any situation, go with your gut. Don't worry about what others think; your own safety comes first.

2.  Use your cell phone as a tool. Make sure it's fully charged before you leave home and if you find yourself in an uncomfortable situation, shoot a quick text for a "friend-assist." Make a plan before you go out just in case your phone dies, so you can meet up with your friends at a specific location at a certain time.

3. Be careful when leaving status or away messages online and when using the "check-in" feature on Facebook or Foursquare. Leaving information about your whereabouts reveals details that are accessible to everyone. Use common sense so that someone can’t track your every move. If you wouldn’t give the information to a stranger, then don't put it on your online profile.

4. Wait to let your guard down until people earn your trust. A college campus can foster a false sense of security. Don't assume people you've just met will look out for your best interests; remember that they are essentially strangers.

5. Don't be afraid to hurt someone's feelings. If you find yourself in an unsafe situation it's OK to lie. Make up an excuse as to why you have to go. It's better to make up a reason to leave than to stay in a possibly dangerous situation. Your safety comes before someone else's feelings.

6. If you see something, say something! Intervene if a situation seems questionable or if someone's safety is at risk. By taking action you can prevent a crime from being committed. Remember you can also contact your resident assistant or campus police.

7. Stick with your friends and watch out for each other. Arrive together, check in with one another throughout the night, and leave together. Think twice about going off alone and if, for whatever reason, you have to separate from your friends, let them know where you are going and who you are with.

8. Drink responsibly and know your limits. Don't accept drinks from people who you don't know or trust and never leave your drink unattended. If you have left your drink alone, get a new one. Always watch your drink being prepared. At parties, stick to drinks you got or prepared yourself instead of common open containers like punch bowls.

9. Watch out for your friends. If a friend seems out of it, is way too intoxicated for the amount of alcohol they've had, or is acting out of character, get him or her to a safe place. If you suspect that you or a friend has been drugged, call 911. Be explicit with doctors so they can administer the correct tests.

10. Be aware of your surroundings. Whether you're walking home from the library or at a party be mindful of potential risks. Get to know your campus and learn a well-lit route back to your dorm or place of residence. Think of a safe exit strategy. Are there people around who might be able to help you? Is there an emergency phone nearby?"

To read the whole article about RAINN's ten back to school safety tips click here.

Amazed by Kutless

     It's been about 14 years since the abuse happened, 4 years since court, and he's been out of jail for 2 years this month. Lord, "you have overwhelmed my heart, I'm amazed by who you are"!!! As I look back, only you could have brought me this far and brought healing to my life. For me it was never a matter of wondering if you would or even if you could bring me through it all; I always knew you would and I know that you will continue to bring me through it all. I am overwhelmed and amazed at all that you have done for me, and at how far you have brought me since 2002 when I started facing the truth of the abuse that I went through. Lord be lifted high and be magnified.

I'm Still Here: Healing & Growing

     I know I haven't posted anything in a long time, but I want everyone to know that I'm still here. I'm a stay at home mom with 2 kids (ages 6 years old, and 2 1/2 years old), and they keep me busy...just the way I like it. I'm still healing and growing. I feel like I've made some good progress this summer, and I continue to get stronger. God is still God, and doing great works in my life. He's the one who deserves all the glory for the great victories in my life. There is a paper that I have written that I want to post, but it still needs some revising before I can post it. I hope to have some time to work on it soon.

I would like to end with these two scriptures:

Joshua 23:3 "And ye have seen all that the Lord your God hath done unto all these nations because of you; for the Lord your God is he that hath fought for you".

Joshua 21: 45 "There failed no ought of  any good thing which the Lord had spoken unto the house of Israel; all came to pass".

      This is what I would like for you to take away from those two scriptures: I know that my God fights for me, and that all the good that he has spoken over my life has and will come to pass. He is a great God, and faithful in all things. When you trust in him and put your life in his hands; the good that he will speak over your life will come to pass and it will not fail...for he is a God that fights for you, and loves you.

Someone Worth Dying For - MIKESCHAIR

     I love this song. I sometimes struggle with feeling worthy of all that God has done for me. I like how this song gets to the heart of the matter...believing that I am worth dying for. It's so humbling to know that Jesus loves me enough to feel that I am worth dying for, and we're not talking about just any death...we're talking about the death of the cross. Jesus was mocked, spat upon, BEATEN BEYOND RECOGNITION, and crucified!! In the midst of it all Jesus gave the world the best examples of forgiveness and love this world will ever see. While hanging on the cross, in the midst of it all (all the pain and betrayal), Jesus prayed to God the Father and said "Forgive them". Jesus knowing the love that he has for us all, willingly went through the death of the cross for our sakes. So that we can be reconnected to an Almighty God that loves us, and not have to have our sin stand in the way of our relationship with a loving God. It can be so easy to think that the love and grace of God can't reach us because of the things that have happened in our lives, but the TRUTH is...no one is beyond the reach of the love and grace of God!! All you have to do is except it...except God into your heart, and all your past is covered by his love and grace, and your future will be secure in him. We are not just some wondering soul. We are his creation, made in his image, made for a purpose, and created out of love. It's in the love of God that Jesus says you are worth dying for, and he proved it by willingly going to the cross.

Do You Blame God For The Hurt In Your Life?

Do you blame God for the hurt in your life? Here are some things to consider.

     In the book, Freedom Tools: for Overcoming Life's Tough Problems author Andy Reese quotes a radio interview of William Sloan Coffin by Terry Goss from the radio program Fresh Air, WHYY Radio on April 14, 2006. William Sloan Coffin had this to say when talking about the tragic death of his son who died in a car accident:

           "People have some very goofy ideas about how the will of God operates--'I guess it was the will of God...'---as if it is the will of God that anybody gets blown up, that anybody gets shot. God was not behind the wheel--my son was. God's heart was the first of all hearts to break. God was not in the event. He was in the response to the event.

          What is hard for people is that we really do have free will. You have to have freedom if love is to be the name of the game. And if we have free will we are free to do both good and bad things--free to kill, free to love. To blame God for what people do with their freedom is not fair except in the same way that you would blame an adult if you saw a child smash an expensive watch. It is your fault for giving the child the watch in the first place. Now you can blame God for giving us human freedom. Maybe we're not ready for it, maybe we can't handle it."

     I really like this quote because it so beautifully explains what I believe. There are so many hurting people who blame God for the hurt in their lives. Events in our lives that leave us asking the question...why?...for which there is no answer. And sometimes we feel that it was God's responsibility to step in and to stop the painful event from happening.

     This is what I've been taught...God is the perfect gentlemen. God will never make us do anything that we don't want to do. God will not make us love him, serve him, or keep his commandments. God freely loves us, and wants us to freely love him in return. Which is why he gave us free will, and with this free will we have the freedom to choose what to do with it. We can choose to either harm others, or to do good to others. We can choose to curse or to bless others. We can choose to hate or to love. Our fee will empowers us to make choices. Which means that others can use their free will to either choose to do good to us or to do evil upon us. It is not God who makes the choice for us or for others as to what we will do with our free will. Our actions are our responsibility; just as the actions of others are their responsibility.

     I am not totally innocent when it comes to this. I have fallen for the lie of the enemy. In my own situation I knew that God did not forsake me in the sexual abuse that I went through, but I didn't know exactly what it was that he was doing. I assumed that he was there somewhere in that situation, but didn't know where. So I believed the lie that God was just standing around doing nothing while I was being sexually abused. Then one day I went with one of my aunts to meet a friend of hers. They sat with me and talked to me, and together we did a lot of praying. We asked God to show me truth, and to heal the broken places. The vision that God gave me is priceless, and healing to my soul. I saw Jesus standing next to Jon, my abuser, and he had his hands on Jon's shoulders and was trying to pull Jon off of me. God was there!! He was convicting Jon of his actions, but Jon chose to ignore the voice of God telling him to stop. I cannot blame God for the choices that Jon made, and I can no longer believe that God was just passively standing by and letting it happen. When no one around me knew what was going on, God was there with a broken heart. I know that God's heart broke every time Jon touched me, and spoke such horrible lies to me. When there was no one to fight for me, God was there fighting for me.

     Now some of you may look at that last statement that I just made, and think that God didn't do such a good job of fighting for me. Well, you would be wrong because God did a great job of protecting me. God did what only God could do...because of all the brain washing that Jon put me through I could be in much worse shape than I am. God did a great job at protecting my mind from being extremely messed up from all that Jon said and did to me. I truly feel that it is by the grace of God that I am able to function. God has brought so much healing to my life, and I would not have been able to make it this far in my healing journey if it weren't for the love, grace, mercy, and healing power of an Almighty God. And not only that, but God allowed me to see justice served in my life time...Jon was found guilty of two counts of sexual assault against a child. On one count Jon was sentenced to two years in prison, and on the second count Jon received ten years probation.

     So, do I blame God for what happened to me...no. Jon is the only one who holds ALL the responsibility for what happened. For Jon chose to use his free will for evil against me. What Jon meant for harm and evil against me God will turn it around and use it to bring about good in my life. God was not in the evil and sinful actions that Jon did, but God was in the response to those actions. Jon chose to ignore God telling him to stop, and Jon will have to reap the consequences of those actions.

     I know that it can be natural to blame God for things that happen to us that we don't understand. My hope is that you are able to come to a place where you can stop blaming God or being angry with God for something someone else did. That you are able to seek God; to ask him to show you what lies you are believing and to replace the lies with truth. To find healing and freedom in the truth...I have.

"You Love Me Anyway" from Sidewalk Prophets

     This is such an amazing song!!! I'm so humbled to know that God loves me anyways, and in spite of all that I've been through. Because of my childhood, I sometimes have a hard time feeling like I'm truly accepted by God, BUT I know it's just my insecurities speaking. Anyone no matter what kind of childhood or up bringing they have can have deep wounds that effects how they perceive God, and how they feel accepted by God. I know I am loved by God whether I feel like I am or not. Feelings can be very deceiving. I have to stand on the word of God, and not on my feelings. My Bible tells me that I am a beloved and cherished child of the Most High God, and that matters more to me than what I feel. It's not always easy, and I do have my moments where I cry out to God...asking him if he even sees me. God has never failed to show me that he sees me and hears my cries. God has never failed to show me that he loves me!!! This same love that God shows towards me, he will show towards you. The love of God is already there towards you; you just have to accept it.

A Talk With My Mom

     I recently had a good talk with my mom. I had the opportunity to talk to her some about forgiveness of others and forgiveness of ourselves. I got to talk to her about how un-forgiveness keeps us tied, bound, and chained to the one who did us wrong. To truly be free from them we must forgive. The only one harmed by un-forgiveness is ourselves. The other person moves on with their life completely unaware of our anger or they simply don't care about our anger towards them. Either way they are not harmed by our un-forgiveness. Only we are harmed by our un-forgiveness because all that anger wrecks havoc on our lives and our health. I have lots more to say about forgiveness and un-forgiveness, but I will save it for later.

     I shared with her that I am working very hard to let go of my anger towards her, and that I do not want to be angry at her. She asked me if I felt like she had ever minimized what happened to me, and I told her yes. I shared with her the one quote of hers that is the hardest one for me to move past..."I can't believe that Jon hated ME so much that he would do that to you". She doesn't even remember saying this to me. She apologized to me for anything that she has said or done to make me feel as though she was minimizing what was done to me. She went on to explain that comments like that come from a depressed state of mind. That when you are in a depressed state of mind like that everything becomes self centered and self focused. She told me that it is much easier for her to look at how it has affected her because it's unbearable for her to look at the ways in which it has affected me. That actually gave me some clarity and understanding of her behaviors and actions.

     We both took the time to reassure each other of some things. I reassured her that even though at times I may withdraw from her, I will not withdraw my love from her. That I may not always know how to deal with her in a healthy way, and that if she has any ideas on how I can find a healthier way of interacting with her to please let me know. My mom reassured me that she is not looking to me to feel good about herself...and, oh, how I needed to hear that. She told me that she is working hard to become a healthy person, and that she wants to have a healthy relationship with me. I really feel like our talked opened us up to more and better communication with each other. I let her know that it may take time for me to learn how to trust her "new" behaviors, and to not think that there are motives behind it which are aimed at making me responsible for her happiness. My mom was ok with that, and told me to take my time. The conversation we had was good for both of us, and provided some healing to each of us as well.

Natalie Grant- Your Great Name

     Oh, how I just absolutly love this song!!! Don't ever underestimate how powerful the name of JESUS is, and how powerful our praises of JESUS can be!!!

The Father's Love Letter

     The "Father's Love Letter" is from Father Heart Communications. It's a great way to show God's love for us by using scripture to write a love letter from God to us. So, without further adu...here it is:

My Child,

You may not know me,

but I know everything about you.

Psalm 139:1

I know when you sit down and when you rise up.

Psalm 139:2

I am familiar with all your ways.

Psalm 139:3

Even the very hairs on your head are numbered.

Matthew 10:29-31

For you were made in my image.

Genesis 1:27

In me you live and move and have your being.

Acts 17:28

For you are my offspring.

Acts 17:28

I knew you even before you were conceived.

Jeremiah 1:4-5

I chose you when I planned creation.

Ephesians 1:11-12

You were not a mistake,

for all your days are written in my book.

Psalm 139:15-16

I determined the exact time of your birth

and where you would live.

Acts 17:26

You are fearfully and wonderfully made.

Psalm 139:14

I knit you together in your mother's womb.

Psalm 139:13

And brought you forth on the day you were born.

Psalm 71:6

I have been misrepresented

by those who don't know me.

John 8:41-44

I am not distant and angry,

but am the complete expression of love.

1 John 4:16

And it is my desire to lavish my love on you.

1 John 3:1

Simply because you are my child

and I am your Father.

1 John 3:1

I offer you more than your earthly father ever could.

Matthew 7:11

For I am the perfect father.

Matthew 5:48

Every good gift that you receive comes from my hand.

James 1:17

For I am your provider and I meet all your needs.

Matthew 6:31-33

My plan for your future has always been filled with hope.

Jeremiah 29:11

Because I love you with an everlasting love.

Jeremiah 31:3

My thoughts toward you are countless

as the sand on the seashore.

Psalms 139:17-18

And I rejoice over you with singing.

Zephaniah 3:17

I will never stop doing good to you.

Jeremiah 32:40

For you are my treasured possession.

Exodus 19:5

I desire to establish you

with all my heart and all my soul.

Jeremiah 32:41

And I want to show you great and marvelous things.

Jeremiah 33:3

If you seek me with all your heart,

you will find me.

Deuteronomy 4:29

Delight in me and I will give you

the desires of your heart.

Psalm 37:4

For it is I who gave you those desires.

Philippians 2:13

I am able to do more for you

than you could possibly imagine.

Ephesians 3:20

For I am your greatest encourager.

2 Thessalonians 2:16-17

I am also the Father who comforts you

in all your troubles.

2 Corinthians 1:3-4

When you are brokenhearted,

I am close to you.

Psalm 34:18

As a shepherd carries a lamb,

I have carried you close to my heart.

Isaiah 40:11

One day I will wipe away

every tear from your eyes.

Revelation 21:3-4

And I'll take away all the pain

you have suffered on this earth.

Revelation 21:3-4

I am your Father, and I love you

even as I love my son, Jesus.

John 17:23

For in Jesus, my love for you is revealed.

John 17:26

He is the exact representation of my being.

Hebrews 1:3

He came to demonstrate that I am for you,

not against you.

Romans 8:31

And to tell you that I am not counting your sins.

2 Corinthians 5:18-19

Jesus died so that you and I could be reconciled.

2 Corinthians 5:18-19

His death was the ultimate expression

of my love for you.

1 John 4:10

I gave up everything I loved

that I might gain your love.

Romans 8:31-32

If you receive the gift of my son Jesus,

you receive me.

1 John 2:23

And nothing will ever separate you

from my love again.

Romans 8:38-39

Come home and I'll throw the biggest party

heaven has ever seen.

Luke 15:7

I have always been Father,

and will always be Father.

Ephesians 3:14-15

My question is…

Will you be my child?

John 1:12-13

I am waiting for you.

Luke 15:11-32

Love, Your Dad

Almighty God

Father's Love Letter used by permission Father Heart Communications ©1999-2011 http://www.fathersloveletter.com/

Detoxing From My Anger

     Wow! what a ride I've been on lately. In the very beginning when I started working on my anger I started to notice a few things. One was that I was clinching my jaws in my sleep which lead to some soreness (thank goodness that seems to be over). I had a few...how shall I put it...weird dreams. I have also noticed that my emotions have been a bit out of wack lately...I feel a bit on the emotional side.

     I've never been a big fan of MY emotions. Growing up I would see my mom just sitting around and crying unable to do anything. After a while I began to look at crying as weakness...a weakness that I never wanted to have. I hated it when I cried. Over the years I've gotten better at accepting my emotions, but at times I'm still not a big fan of them. I believe the reason behind me feeling emotional lately is that my body is detoxing from the anger...it has to work it's way out of my system some how. When I catch myself starting to feel flustered with the fact that I'm feeling emotional I try to take a deep breath and tell myself that it's ok.

     A friend of mine on Facebook recently posted a poem by Ann Davies,

     "Learning isn't easy. Frustration tends to set in quickly. You hurt. You feel defeated. You want to give up - to quit. You want to walk away and pretend it doesn't matter. But you won't, because you're not a loser - you're a fighter. We all have to lose sometimes before we can win, we have to cry sometimes before we can smile. We have to hurt before we can be strong. But if you keep on working and believing, you'll have victory in the end".

     Wow, I really like this. How true it is. Frustration sets in so quickly for me, and this was just a great reminder for me to take it easy on myself, that I'm a fighter, and that I WILL HAVE VICTORY in the end.

Dealing with My Anger

     Anger, it’s a poison! I know this because I can see it poisoning my own life. I have so much anger towards my mom for so many things; most of which have to do with my childhood. I haven’t written about my mom until now because it just didn’t seem right to me to spew all that anger out and onto the WORLD WIDE web. My goal is not to make my mom look bad, but I want to be real, open, and honest about my pain and hurt. I’m only mentioning some things now in an effort to show you how anger can poison a person’s life. I guess you could say that my childhood is a product of her inability to face her own childhood because when you don't face, deal, and heal from your own childhood then it makes it that much harder to be a healthy person and parent. Since she hadn't dealt with her own childhood she was unable to trust her instinct that told her that my step-dad was doing something inappropriate to me. After all, how could she face what was happening to me when she hadn't faced the difficulites of her own childhood. I'm not trying to make any excuses here, but to simply explain why I think things happened they way that they did. So, get ready and be prepared to embark with me on this emotional journey as I share with you how I'm dealing with my anger.

     So, where does some of this anger stem from? It seems to me that my whole life has not been about me; it has been about her…about taking care of her and being responsible for her well being. As a teenager I was the one the whole family looked to, to snap my mom out of her suicidal depression…I was the one who was to fix it all. Is that right, is that fair, is that something that should be a child’s responsibility? No! That is something that should in no way be placed upon a child. And yet there I was…her emotional care taker. And I simply can’t and won’t do it anymore. Even my molestation wasn’t about me, but was about her. She once said to me, “I can’t believe that Jon hated ME so much that he would do that to you”. Please! Please! Never say something like that to a survivor of sexual abuse, rape, or someone who is a survivor of any kind of abuse. It was like everything that I had gone through and had suffered didn’t matter because it was all about her and how she felt betrayed. Was she betrayed? Yes she was. She trusted him with me, and he abused this trust given to him in many ways. However, I was the one who was sexually abused. It happened to ME…and not to her!! This comment made me feel as though it didn’t matter that I was the one who was sexually abused. My mom carries so much guilt around about not protecting me that she often tries to sooth her guilt by having a pity party in the hopes that I’ll tell her no she wasn’t a bad parent, but a really, really good one, and do all that I can to make her feel better about herself (which I did for a long time). Her emotional well being is not my responsibility. I am not responsible for making sure that she feels good about herself. That is something that only she can do for herself. Was she a horrible parent? No, she wasn’t, but that doesn’t mean that she didn’t make a lot of mistakes.

     I struggle to have any kind of contact with her because I always feel as though she is looking to me to somehow make her feel good about herself, and when I draw boundary lines she has a fit and has even called me rude for doing so. I’m just so tired of feeling like I’m her emotional dumping ground. It is not any fun for me when I have to worry about her motives behind things. I often feel as though she wants to do things for me or with me because she is trying to prove that she is a good parent/person or to try to make things up to me because she didn’t protect me as a child. All this does is put an awful lot of pressure on me to make her feel good about herself. Again, I’m not here to be her emotional care taker, and I refuse to play that role any longer. I would love to have a “normal” adult daughter and mother relationship with her. I am not however going to go with her to get my nails done so that she can use it as an opportunity to prove something to herself…so that she can say, “see what I’ve done for you; doesn’t this make me a good parent/person”. Her self-loathing, un-forgiveness, and her complete lack of willingness to truly face her issues have completely tainted my relationship with her. She lacks the proper coping skills needed to move forward, and in addition to that…her refusal to forgive has her locked up and trapped in the past, and incapable of being able to move forward. I haven’t always been upset with her over my childhood. But she was just so convinced that I had to be, that I must be so angry with her over it all that it has turned into a self fulfilling prophecy.

     Ok, enough of all of that. Some of you may be thinking by this time…”Isn’t all that anger that you have towards your mom just the same as all the un-forgiveness and anger that your mom has inside of her?” Well, the answer to that is…yes! My anger and un-forgiveness towards her is in many, many ways just the same as all the hurt, anger, and un-forgiveness that she is carrying around inside of her. After all it can have the same damaging effects in my own life in just the same way that it has damaged her life. This is NOT the path that I want to be on.

     I have for about the last two weeks now have really been examining myself and the role that my anger plays. Here is what I have realized:

1) I have used my anger as a way to protect myself from getting hurt by her

2) It was the only way that I knew how to protect myself from getting hurt by her

3) I have used it to validate my hurt, and to prove that I have the RIGHT to be angry

4) Anger feeds anger

5) My anger towards my mother leaves me with less understanding and compassion towards my own children, and leaves me always on edge with them. This is a very big deal to me, and has to change.

6) It drains my energy; which effects my whole day

     Here are some of the things that I have been saying to myself in regards to those things that I have realized about my anger:

1) That yes, the anger did help me to protect myself, that it did a good job for a while, but now it’s time to move onto more effective ways of dealing with my mom that are much healthier for me and my family. That I no longer need to use anger to protect myself from getting hurt, and I cut myself some slack for not knowing any other coping skills for dealing with her.

2) Healing can be scary, and sometimes it seems like holding onto the hurt, anger, and un-forgiveness is the safe thing to do. Letting go of it all can be incredibly scary because often times we can feel like if we let it go then who will stand up and say that what was done to us is not right, and then if we let it go does it mean that what they did is all of the sudden ok. I had that fear when it came to fully letting go of what Jon, my abuser, did to me. I had to realize that wrong is still wrong, and that as long as I knew what he did was wrong and that I knew that God saw it as wrong…then that’s all that matters to me. I no longer had the urge to continually shout from the mountain tops, "Look what Jon did to me and IT WAS WRONG!!!"  I could then fully let it go. I need to apply that same principal to the anger that I have towards my mom. I don’t need to hold onto this anger as a way to prove that she has hurt me. Wrong will still be wrong; hurt will still be hurt, but I can choose a new way to deal with it.

3) I hold myself to very high standards. Sometimes these standards are so high that they are unattainable, but I hold myself to them anyways. I have a hard time giving myself a break, and I get very frustrated with myself if I can’t get something right the first time. I wouldn’t dare hold people to some of the standards that I hold myself to. So, the more frustrated that I got with myself over not being able to get past my anger; the more anger that I had, and the more frustrated that I got with myself. And around and around it went. In the mean time all that was happening was my anger towards myself just fueled my anger towards my mom. And up and up it went. Since I’ve given myself some slack for not being able to just drop my anger at the drop of a hat; I’ve noticed that the anger is being starved out and is dying out. Acceptance and forgiving one’s self is the key. By accepting my anger and that I was unable to drop it like I wanted to is what is helping me to move past it.

4) By being angry with my mom it allows anger to always be just underneath the surface, and any little thing can trigger it and bring it out. My children deserve better than that from me! I also have to realize that my children are not me, and that I shouldn’t hold them to some of the standards that I hold myself to. I didn’t have much of a childhood, and in fact most of my childhood memories are centered on being around adults. So, children being children is somewhat of a foreign concept to me. I’m sure that I did many things that children do, but those just aren’t the bulk of what I remember of my childhood. My focus is on becoming a healthy person and parent so that some of these dysfunctional things that have been passed down from generation to generation stop with me, and don’t get passed along to my children. I can do for them what my mom couldn’t do for me. She would always tell me that we were going to break the cycle and that she wasn’t going to be like her mom. Unfortunately, my mom lacks the ability to have been able to carry that out. It hurts knowing that my mom couldn’t do for me what I am not only able to do but WILL DO for my kids…I wish that she could have.

5) Here’s the most important thing to me…What does God’s word have to say to me about this issue.

EPHESIANS 4:26 “Be ye angry, and sin not: let not the sun go down upon your wrath:” (Being angry is not in its self wrong, but it’s when we sin out of our anger that is wrong)

PSALM 38:8 “Cease from anger and forsake wrath: fret not theyself in any wise to do evil”

HEBREWS 12:14, 15 “Follow peace with all men, and holiness, without which no man shall see the Lord: looking diligently lest any root of bitterness springing up trouble you, and thereby many be defiled”

JEREMIAH 4:18 “Thy word and thy doings have procured these things unto thee; this is thy wickedness, because it is bitter, because it reacheth unto thine heart”

PROVERBS 10:12 “Hatred stirreth up strifes: but love covereth all sins”

1 JOHN 2:9 “He that saith he is in the light, and hateth his brother, is in darkness even until now”

PSALM 38:18, 22 “For I will declare mine iniquity; I will be sorry for my sin. Make haste to help me, O Lord my salvation”

PSALM 32:7 “Thou art my hiding place; thou shalt preserve me from trouble; thou shalt compass me about with songs of deliverance”

PSALM 31:24 “Be of good courage, and he shall strengthen your heart, all ye that hope in the Lord”

     This is what a big part of the word of God is all about to me…aligning my thoughts, opinions, words, behaviors, and actions (basically all that I am) with the word of God. Seeing where I may be wrong, repenting, receiving God’s forgiveness, and seeking God for His strength and help in facing the challenges and situations that come up in life.

     So, this is me, and how I have been dealing with MY anger. I hope that reading about how I am facing and dealing with my anger will help someone who is facing their own anger, and hurt. I know it can be scary. Hope in the Lord and trust in Him, and He will bring you through it…healed and delivered.

Till The Walls Fall - Martha Munizzi

     Martha Munizzi - No Limits (live) CD - Is an awesome cd and I would highly recommend it to anyone. I have really been listening to this cd a lot lately, and it is helping me to overcome some things that I've been dealing with lately. If we keep our minds on praising God then our mind has no time to dwell on our circumstances. I know that for me...the more I dwell on something the more worked up I can get...which doesn't always work in my favor. In fact it can leave me feeling defeated, and like I'm carrying a heavy load. So this cd has been helping me to keep my mind on God. This song gets me all fired up...I love it!!!
 
     In this song she says, "Praise is the weapon, but the battle is the Lord's". That is so true!! Our praise to a Holy God is the weapon that we use to defeat our circumstances, and to come out on the other side. We can not lose when we allow God to fight our battle for us, and our praise to God is what is needed for that to happen.

Here is a great Bible story about how God can fight our battles for us:

2 Chronicles 20:15-25 "And he said, Hearken ye, all Judah, and ye inhabitants of Jerusalem, and thou king Jehoshaphat, Thus saith the LORD unto you, Be not afraid nor dismayed by reason of this great multitude; for the battle is not yours, but God's.

16 To morrow go ye down against them: behold, they come up by the cliff of Ziz; and ye shall find them at the end of the brook, before the wilderness of Jeruel.

17 Ye shall not need to fight in this battle: set yourselves, stand ye still, and see the salvation of the LORD with you, O Judah and Jerusalem: fear not, nor be dismayed; to morrow go out against them: for the LORD will be with you.

18 And Jehoshaphat bowed his head with his face to the ground: and all Judah and the inhabitants of Jerusalem fell before the LORD, worshipping the LORD.

19 And the Levites, of the children of the Kohathites, and of the children of the Korhites, stood up to praise the LORD God of Israel with a loud voice on high.

20 And they rose early in the morning, and went forth into the wilderness of Tekoa: and as they went forth, Jehoshaphat stood and said, Hear me, O Judah, and ye inhabitants of Jerusalem; Believe in the LORD your God, so shall ye be established; believe his prophets, so shall ye prosper.

21 And when he had consulted with the people, he appointed singers unto the LORD, and that should praise the beauty of holiness, as they went out before the army, and to say, Praise the LORD; for his mercy endureth for ever.

22 And when they began to sing and to praise, the LORD set ambushments against the children of Ammon, Moab, and mount Seir, which were come against Judah; and they were smitten.

23 For the children of Ammon and Moab stood up against the inhabitants of mount Seir, utterly to slay and destroy them: and when they had made an end of the inhabitants of Seir, every one helped to destroy another.

24 And when Judah came toward the watch tower in the wilderness, they looked unto the multitude, and, behold, they were dead bodies fallen to the earth, and none escaped.

25 And when Jehoshaphat and his people came to take away the spoil of them, they found among them in abundance both riches with the dead bodies, and precious jewels, which they stripped off for themselves, more than they could carry away: and they were three days in gathering of the spoil, it was so much".

     Look at this story...the children of Israel didn't have to lift a finger to fight. I think that it's important to note that the singers were sent out in front of the men of war/soldiers. All they did was sing songs of praise and worship to God, stood their ground on faith, and he fought the battle for them. Not only did God fight this battle for them, but look at the huge blessing that he also gave them...it took three days to collect all the riches and there was so much that they couldn't even carry all of it. In the midst of our hard times and trials if we allow God to fight our battles for us not only will we stand in victory over our circumstances, but God can abundantly bless us in that victory.