My Blog Is Moving

I would like to let everyone know that I am moving my blog. The new web address is www.thehealingsearch.org. While I have imported all of my current posts that I have on this site to the other site...it is not fully up and running to where I would like it to be. Please be patient with me as I work on getting the new site going. My due date for our third child is rapidly approaching, and I'm busy making sure everything is ready for her. I'm also a stay-at-home mom of 2 precious girls. Needless to say that all keeps me quite busy, and I'm also trying to get the new site the way that I would like it to be (which is requiring some reading and research on my part). Again, please be patient with me as we go through this transitional period.

Thank you for your support and patients.

April...Sexual Assault Awareness Month

     April is Sexual Assault Awareness Month. Here are some statistics from RAINN's website:

• 44% of victims are under the age of 18
• 80% of victims are under the age of 30
• Every 2 minutes some in the U.S. is sexually assaulted
• There are approximately 207,754 victims of sexual assault each year
• 54% of sexual assaults are not reported and 97% of rapist never spend a day in jail
• About 2/3 of assaults are committed by someone known to the victim
• 38% of rapists are a friend or acquaintance of the victim
• For more statistics, information and to find resources for help go to RAINN's website at rainn.org

     I would like to talk about those last two statistics for just a moment. These two statistics point out that a good portion of victims know their attacker or abuser. Yet, when talking to our children we tend to stress the importance of stranger danger. Don't get me wrong, it is vitally important to teach stranger danger to our children. So then, we are taught from a young age that harm at the hands of a stranger is to almost be expected somehow. However, harm at the hands of someone we know tends to be either over looked or not stressed as much as stranger danger...and yet it is just as important as stranger danger.

     Our children need to know that they are safe, and can trust those around them. This too is vitally important to our children. They also need to know they do not have to comply with requests or even demands by people (and yes those who they know...even authority figures in their lives) who are asking them to do things they just aren't comfortable with or doesn't seem right to them (I'm not talking about requests like cleaning their rooms or picking up trash). They need to know it's ok to ask questions about why they are being asked to do something. They need to know that it's ok to go tell other adults, and to seek clarification on things before doing what is being asked of them. They need to know they have boundaries that others do not have permission to cross, and when not sure to ask...ask another adult about it. They need to know that just because someone they know, trust, love and is an authority figure in their life does not mean they do not have a right to ask questions and to not do things they are uncomfortable with.

     To be clear, I'm not talking about the right of a child to be rude or nasty when asked to do something. Being disrespectful is not alright. Even when a person's actions are such that respect is hard to show; we must learn to look past the person to the authority of the position the person holds, and to give respect to the position. There are many respectful responses we can teach our children. Such as: no Sir/Ma'am; no, I'm not comfortable with that; I would like to have someone else also explain that to me; and even just a simple use of tone when saying "No". However, if the child feels they are in immediate danger they need to know it's ok to scream for help or to scream NO. We need to teach our children how to excuse themselves from situations they are not comfortable with. Our children must know that they can not only respectfully decline to do something they are uncomfortable with, but that they should also immediately tell an adult who they trust, to receive clarity on the situation. Our children need to have the confidence and sense of security that will allow them to open up to an adult when someone tells them something that may sound right, in a funky kind of way, but doesn't seem quite right somehow, and they just aren't sure.

     So yes, by all means I beg you to teach stranger danger to your children, but I also beg you to teach your children it's ok to speak up when it's someone they know such as: (and it pains me to have to say this) a parent, step-parent, sibling, aunt, uncle, cousin, relative of any kind, family friend, friend of the child, a teacher, a daycare worker and anyone the child may feel close to...that it's ok to speak up no matter who the person is. Really that's the key isn't it...for a child to know that it's ok to speak up no matter who the person is...stranger or not. That even when they are gown and, God forbid, something horrible were to happen that they will have the strength to speak up.

New Link "MaleSurvivor"

     Today on Facebook Nicole Braddock Bromley, from OneVoice Enterprises, posted a link to an organization that seeks to help male survivors of sexual abuse of all ages. I took a quick look on their website, and would like to share it here on my blog. I have also placed a link to them on my Resource page. The organization is called MaleSurvivor. They have resources, links to help you find a therapist, and discussion boards to help survivors connect so they know they are not alone. They seek to help survivors to heal.

Safe Helpline

     The Department of Defence (DoD) has teamed up with RAINN (Rape, Abuse & Incest National Network) to provide a live 24/7 hot line for members of the US Military and DoD workers who have become victims of sexual assault. This new hot line is called the Safe Helpline and their phone number is (877) 995-5247. Their website (safehelpline.org) also provides online support if you don't want to talk on the phone. As always if you are in immediate danger dial 911 (inside the US). The Safe Helpline is operated by RAINN.

RAINN's 10 Safety Tips For Going Back To School

     According to RAINN's website, "College aged students are at the highest risk for being sexually assaulted; the majority of rapes are committed by someone who the victim knows. Being aware of this risk, looking out for your friends and using a bit of common sense are often the first steps in staying safe". Starting college is an exciting time...getting to meet new people, going to new places, and for many experiencing for the first time the freedom of being on your own. However, with these new adventures comes some risks and dangers. It's very important to be aware of your surroundings and what's going on around you. Getting to know a person takes time, and it's very important to make sure that you take that time to really get to know them.

Here are RAINN's 10 Safety Tips:

"1. Trust your instincts and be yourself. If you feel unsafe, or even uncomfortable, in any situation, go with your gut. Don't worry about what others think; your own safety comes first.

2.  Use your cell phone as a tool. Make sure it's fully charged before you leave home and if you find yourself in an uncomfortable situation, shoot a quick text for a "friend-assist." Make a plan before you go out just in case your phone dies, so you can meet up with your friends at a specific location at a certain time.

3. Be careful when leaving status or away messages online and when using the "check-in" feature on Facebook or Foursquare. Leaving information about your whereabouts reveals details that are accessible to everyone. Use common sense so that someone can’t track your every move. If you wouldn’t give the information to a stranger, then don't put it on your online profile.

4. Wait to let your guard down until people earn your trust. A college campus can foster a false sense of security. Don't assume people you've just met will look out for your best interests; remember that they are essentially strangers.

5. Don't be afraid to hurt someone's feelings. If you find yourself in an unsafe situation it's OK to lie. Make up an excuse as to why you have to go. It's better to make up a reason to leave than to stay in a possibly dangerous situation. Your safety comes before someone else's feelings.

6. If you see something, say something! Intervene if a situation seems questionable or if someone's safety is at risk. By taking action you can prevent a crime from being committed. Remember you can also contact your resident assistant or campus police.

7. Stick with your friends and watch out for each other. Arrive together, check in with one another throughout the night, and leave together. Think twice about going off alone and if, for whatever reason, you have to separate from your friends, let them know where you are going and who you are with.

8. Drink responsibly and know your limits. Don't accept drinks from people who you don't know or trust and never leave your drink unattended. If you have left your drink alone, get a new one. Always watch your drink being prepared. At parties, stick to drinks you got or prepared yourself instead of common open containers like punch bowls.

9. Watch out for your friends. If a friend seems out of it, is way too intoxicated for the amount of alcohol they've had, or is acting out of character, get him or her to a safe place. If you suspect that you or a friend has been drugged, call 911. Be explicit with doctors so they can administer the correct tests.

10. Be aware of your surroundings. Whether you're walking home from the library or at a party be mindful of potential risks. Get to know your campus and learn a well-lit route back to your dorm or place of residence. Think of a safe exit strategy. Are there people around who might be able to help you? Is there an emergency phone nearby?"

To read the whole article about RAINN's ten back to school safety tips click here.

The Father's Love Letter

     The "Father's Love Letter" is from Father Heart Communications. It's a great way to show God's love for us by using scripture to write a love letter from God to us. So, without further adu...here it is:

My Child,

You may not know me,

but I know everything about you.

Psalm 139:1

I know when you sit down and when you rise up.

Psalm 139:2

I am familiar with all your ways.

Psalm 139:3

Even the very hairs on your head are numbered.

Matthew 10:29-31

For you were made in my image.

Genesis 1:27

In me you live and move and have your being.

Acts 17:28

For you are my offspring.

Acts 17:28

I knew you even before you were conceived.

Jeremiah 1:4-5

I chose you when I planned creation.

Ephesians 1:11-12

You were not a mistake,

for all your days are written in my book.

Psalm 139:15-16

I determined the exact time of your birth

and where you would live.

Acts 17:26

You are fearfully and wonderfully made.

Psalm 139:14

I knit you together in your mother's womb.

Psalm 139:13

And brought you forth on the day you were born.

Psalm 71:6

I have been misrepresented

by those who don't know me.

John 8:41-44

I am not distant and angry,

but am the complete expression of love.

1 John 4:16

And it is my desire to lavish my love on you.

1 John 3:1

Simply because you are my child

and I am your Father.

1 John 3:1

I offer you more than your earthly father ever could.

Matthew 7:11

For I am the perfect father.

Matthew 5:48

Every good gift that you receive comes from my hand.

James 1:17

For I am your provider and I meet all your needs.

Matthew 6:31-33

My plan for your future has always been filled with hope.

Jeremiah 29:11

Because I love you with an everlasting love.

Jeremiah 31:3

My thoughts toward you are countless

as the sand on the seashore.

Psalms 139:17-18

And I rejoice over you with singing.

Zephaniah 3:17

I will never stop doing good to you.

Jeremiah 32:40

For you are my treasured possession.

Exodus 19:5

I desire to establish you

with all my heart and all my soul.

Jeremiah 32:41

And I want to show you great and marvelous things.

Jeremiah 33:3

If you seek me with all your heart,

you will find me.

Deuteronomy 4:29

Delight in me and I will give you

the desires of your heart.

Psalm 37:4

For it is I who gave you those desires.

Philippians 2:13

I am able to do more for you

than you could possibly imagine.

Ephesians 3:20

For I am your greatest encourager.

2 Thessalonians 2:16-17

I am also the Father who comforts you

in all your troubles.

2 Corinthians 1:3-4

When you are brokenhearted,

I am close to you.

Psalm 34:18

As a shepherd carries a lamb,

I have carried you close to my heart.

Isaiah 40:11

One day I will wipe away

every tear from your eyes.

Revelation 21:3-4

And I'll take away all the pain

you have suffered on this earth.

Revelation 21:3-4

I am your Father, and I love you

even as I love my son, Jesus.

John 17:23

For in Jesus, my love for you is revealed.

John 17:26

He is the exact representation of my being.

Hebrews 1:3

He came to demonstrate that I am for you,

not against you.

Romans 8:31

And to tell you that I am not counting your sins.

2 Corinthians 5:18-19

Jesus died so that you and I could be reconciled.

2 Corinthians 5:18-19

His death was the ultimate expression

of my love for you.

1 John 4:10

I gave up everything I loved

that I might gain your love.

Romans 8:31-32

If you receive the gift of my son Jesus,

you receive me.

1 John 2:23

And nothing will ever separate you

from my love again.

Romans 8:38-39

Come home and I'll throw the biggest party

heaven has ever seen.

Luke 15:7

I have always been Father,

and will always be Father.

Ephesians 3:14-15

My question is…

Will you be my child?

John 1:12-13

I am waiting for you.

Luke 15:11-32

Love, Your Dad

Almighty God

Father's Love Letter used by permission Father Heart Communications ©1999-2011 http://www.fathersloveletter.com/

New Books Added

I have added a few new books to the page "Books I've Read".

     A Woman's Way through The Twelve Steps By: Stephanie S. Covington, Ph.D. -- This is a great book, and the lessons taught in this book work for every aspect of a person's life. You don't have to be an alcoholic to read this book. You can substitute any addiction (food, drugs, sex, co-dependency, Internet, ect...) for the word alcohol. I read this book as part of a co-dependency group, and I learned a great deal from it. There is also a work book that goes along with this book.


     Get Out of Your Mind & Into Your Life: The New Acceptance & Commitment Therapy By: Steven C. Hayes, Ph.D with Spencer Smith -- This was a great book, and helped me a lot. This book helped me put into action things I knew that I needed to do, but couldn't quite figure out how to do it. I have known for a very long time that I needed to come to terms with my past. This book showed me that I had to be willing to fully accept my past, the way that it made me feel, and then it showed me how to move forward and not dwell on the negative. It's one of those books where you need to take the time to fully understand what it is teaching you, and how to apply it to your life. This book is well worth the effort that it asks you to put into practice. I read this book as part of a group for depression. I would say that this book works well for anyone who is not only feeling depressed, but for anyone who feels like they are stuck and just aren't sure on how to move forward. The main key is that you have to be willing to try the things in this book otherwise it does you no good if you are not willing. You first have to be willing to change in order for change to actually occur.


    Surviving Childhood Sexual Abuse Workbook By: Carolyn Ainscough & Kay Toon -- This was a great book, and it really helped me a lot. However, this book can be intense, and you need to be prepared to be able to handle it. I love that in the beginning of this book they prepare you for what to do if you start to feel overwhelmed. What helped prepare me a lot for this book was the support group that I had done called "In the Wildflowers". This was a support group for dealing with childhood sexual abuse, and it was also a great group and a great help to me.


I will also be adding "In the Wildflowers" to the Internet resources page.

Thanks for taking a look at my blog, and I wish you peace and healing in your life. God Bless.

3 New Bills Proposed In Texas

     Ok, all you Texans out there...there are some new proposed laws out there that you should take the time to read and research. You should take the time read these newly proposed laws to see if you either agree or disagree with them. It's important to support a good law and to challenge a bad one, but in order to be able to do that you need to be aware of the facts of that proposed law. On these bills to get to read the full text of the bill you have to click on the "Text" tab and then chose which format you want to use to read it.


1.) Bill SB 198 - This bill is about creating some exemptions for sex offender registration. It would apply to those who are convicted of certain sex crimes who are no more than 4 years older than the victim or intended victim who is at least 14 years old. Also, in order to gain the exemption is has to be shown that the person's conduct was done only with the CONSENT of the victim or intended victim. This to me sounds like an exemption bill for teenagers who got caught having consensual sex where there is a big enough age difference for one of them to be charged with a sex crime like statutory rape. There is more to this bill than what I have written; so, I encourage you to read it for yourself.


2.) Bill SB 166 - This bill is about civil commitment of sex offenders, and the creation of a state agency to preform the tasks of the civil commitment program which is currently being done by the Council on Sex Offender Treatment. Some examples of those who could be placed in the civil commitment program are those who were found not guilty by reason of insanity, those guilty of certain sexually violent crimes,  and those who "may be a repeat sexually violent offender". To me this bill came across like it was probation on steroids. The offender has to notify where they are expected to live once released from prison, has to wear a monitoring system, and has to abide by the "treatment" plan and supervision plan that has been designed for them. If they wish to move they must gain permission to do so. Some of the requirements will include "requiring the person to reside in a Texas residential facility under contract with the office [council] or at another location or facility approved by the office [council]". I do not think that all who are put into the civil commitment program will be required to live in such contracted residential facilities. Also, some of them may be required to live in supervised housing. There will be child safety zones in place for which these offenders cannot live in. They will be subject to polygraphs. There will be assessments to determine if there needs to be changes made to a person's "treatment" plan or to their supervision rules, and to even determine if the person can be taken off of the civil commitment program based on if that particular person is no longer deemed to be a risk to society. There is a LOT to this bill, and I highly recommend that you read it in it's entirety. The reason why I said that this bill sounds like probation on steroids is because a lot of the supervision rules for these offenders sounds a lot like the rules that my ex-step-dad has to abide by for the remaining 9 years that he has left on his probation.

3.) Bill SB 98 - This bill is about human trafficking. Ok, I'm having a hard time understanding this bill. From some of what I do understand this bill seems to outline under what conditions a person can be charged with multiple charges of human trafficking,  and if a person is found guilty of multiple charges from the same "episode" they can either serve their time concurrently or consecutively. This bill also states that a victim has 5 years after the day to bring forward a personal injury suit from injuries they suffered from conduct that violates some of the penal codes that they have outlined in this bill...to include sexual assault, aggravated sexual assault, continuous sexual abuse of young child or children, trafficking of persons, trafficking of child in furtherance of sexual conduct or performance, or continuous trafficking of persons. This bill also talks about under which conditions the defendant can receive life in prison. There are sections that talk about getting out on parole, but the person has to serve at least half of their sentence or 30 years which ever is shorter, but must serve a minimum of 2 years. There is so much to this bill, and so many different scenarios that are talked about that I couldn't keep up with what exactly they were talking about. This bill is defiantly something that you have to read for yourself in order to try to understand it. There is just so much that is covered in this bill.

A Link to Rebecca Kiessling's Website & A Side Note About God's Free Gift

     I would like to share with all of you a link that has come to my attention. It's a link to Rebecca Kiessling's website. She is a woman who was conceived during a rape, and who has found ultimate healing in Christ Jesus. She for many years wondered who could ever love her because of how she was conceived, but found out that she was created by God and not by the rapist...her conception no longer defines who she is. She has a great testimony, and although she herself was not raped, I feel that she struggled with many of the things that a survivor of rape, sexual abuse, and abuse have suffered with. She beautifully describes how she went from having no self worth to finding out that her value in the eyes of God is incalculable.

     Your worth in the eyes of God is INCALCULABLE!!! You are worth more than any amount of silver or gold to God. In fact you have already been bought with a price...the price of God's only son, Jesus Christ, who died for you so that you could have remission of sins, and so that you could live an abundant life. That abundant life includes healing from your hurts, your past, and your sicknesses. There is so much good that God wants for you.

     If you would like to receive this free gift from God, all you have to do is say a sincere prayer asking God to forgive you of your sins, ask that He send is son Jesus to come live in your heart, and that He sends His Holy Spirit to come guide you. My next suggestion would be that you start working on cultivating your relationship with God by finding a good church, reading your Bible (start with the New Testament), and by praying. Pray and ask God to help you heal from your past, and to open your eyes to show you the life that He has planned for you.

     I hope that doesn't sound like too much. The prayer just has to come from your heart and be sincere. I think the number one thing that  a new Christian needs to do is to grow and cultivate their relationship with God. I hope that you, whom ever you are, will accept this free gift from God. Accepting God into my life was the best thing that I have ever done.