Friday, January 28, 2011
East to West - Casting Crowns [with lyrics]
This is a great song. One of the reasons why I love this song so much is that I can identify with so much of this song. I know what it feels like to think that you are drowning in God's sea of forgetfulness, and to yearn for peace of mind from my past. I know what it feels like to pray to God for him to not leave me where I am at, to save me, and to take me out of the pit that I was in. I have even longed for God to show me just how far he has cast my sin and shame from me. Did you know that east and west don't meet? This song is about Jesus taking our sin and casting it from the east to west...our sin is taken so far away from us that it will never meet us again!!! Jesus' arms were spread out (east to west) for us when he died upon the cross for us. That we may be reconciled with God. Psalms 103:12 "As far as the east is from the west, so far hath he removed our transgressions from us". I can identify with every part of this great song.
Tuesday, January 25, 2011
A Proper Testimony
I've been thinking about what a proper testimony means to me. Mark 8:36 says, "For what shall it profit a man, if he shall gain the whole world, and lose his own soul?". This verse has some new meaning for me. What shall it profit me if I go out and help others, but my family is left by the wayside. I must first have a good testimony in the eyes of my husband and kids before I can have a good testimony before anyone else. If I go out and try my best to show others the love of God by standing up and telling others my testimony, but if I'm not first showing that love of God to my husband and kids...then what does that profit me or anyone else? How can I possibly have any kind of testimony in the sight of others about God if my family is not seeing me put forth the same amount of effort if not more into showing them the love of God? The answer is...I can't possibly have any kind of good testimony let alone a testimony that will last. I must first make sure that I am being the wife and mother that I am called to be.
And that brings me to my next point. When God says to walk away from something he means for you to walk away from it. Not to close your eyes, turn your head and not look at it, or to cover it up with a blanket; so that it's still there, but your just not dealing with it. I have been guilty of that lately. God told me to walk away from something, and I didn't want to walk away from it totally...so, I just stepped back from it and covered it; so that it was still there but not out front and center. Was there anything really wrong with it...no, not necessarily. But anything that hinders my ability to continue to improve in taking care of my family is something that does not need to be in my life right now. I need to focus more on my family, and anything that is distracting me too much from doing that has to go. This all goes back to first having a good testimony in the sight of my husband and kids before having a testimony before others, and being obedient to what I feel God is wanting me to do.
This also brings me to yet another point...about having the proper or right mindset. Romans 12:2 says, "And be not conformed to this world: but be ye transformed by the renewing of your mind, that ye may prove what is that good, and acceptable, and perfect, will of God". I'm sure that you are wondering what does that scripture have to do with having a proper testimony. Well, it has a lot to do with it. Having a proper testimony has to do with every aspect of your life, and not just one area. Our mindset towards things determines our attitude and our outlook on things. The biggest thing is to listen to what God is saying to you, and the more you cultivate your relationship with Him the better you will hear God when he speaks to your heart. I feel as though God has been speaking to me about things that are in my life that are keeping me from fully being able to cultivate the type of mindset that I feel that God wants ME to have. And this is the example that I will give you...I like to watch Investigation Dateline in the afternoon, and I have recently decided that even though I like the show (and there is nothing wrong with this show in and of itself) I just feel as though it is something that God doesn't want me watching right now. So, after a little bit of struggle, I finally listened to the will of God for me in my life, and have stopped watching it. Again, this is for me and my life...I just feel like it's one of the things that God has been laying on my heart to walk away from because for what ever reason it is not helping me to cultivate the type of mindset that I feel that God wants me to be working on having. And this circles right on back around to listening to the will of God in your life...when he says to walk away from something he means it. Don't try to cover it up and hide it...walk away from it.
For me at lest this is all part of the bigger picture of having a proper testimony. Making sure that I am first and foremost listening to the will of God for me in my life so that I can have a good testimony in the eyes of my husband and kids. Because with out that good testimony I cannot have a good or lasting testimony when I stand before others.
And that brings me to my next point. When God says to walk away from something he means for you to walk away from it. Not to close your eyes, turn your head and not look at it, or to cover it up with a blanket; so that it's still there, but your just not dealing with it. I have been guilty of that lately. God told me to walk away from something, and I didn't want to walk away from it totally...so, I just stepped back from it and covered it; so that it was still there but not out front and center. Was there anything really wrong with it...no, not necessarily. But anything that hinders my ability to continue to improve in taking care of my family is something that does not need to be in my life right now. I need to focus more on my family, and anything that is distracting me too much from doing that has to go. This all goes back to first having a good testimony in the sight of my husband and kids before having a testimony before others, and being obedient to what I feel God is wanting me to do.
This also brings me to yet another point...about having the proper or right mindset. Romans 12:2 says, "And be not conformed to this world: but be ye transformed by the renewing of your mind, that ye may prove what is that good, and acceptable, and perfect, will of God". I'm sure that you are wondering what does that scripture have to do with having a proper testimony. Well, it has a lot to do with it. Having a proper testimony has to do with every aspect of your life, and not just one area. Our mindset towards things determines our attitude and our outlook on things. The biggest thing is to listen to what God is saying to you, and the more you cultivate your relationship with Him the better you will hear God when he speaks to your heart. I feel as though God has been speaking to me about things that are in my life that are keeping me from fully being able to cultivate the type of mindset that I feel that God wants ME to have. And this is the example that I will give you...I like to watch Investigation Dateline in the afternoon, and I have recently decided that even though I like the show (and there is nothing wrong with this show in and of itself) I just feel as though it is something that God doesn't want me watching right now. So, after a little bit of struggle, I finally listened to the will of God for me in my life, and have stopped watching it. Again, this is for me and my life...I just feel like it's one of the things that God has been laying on my heart to walk away from because for what ever reason it is not helping me to cultivate the type of mindset that I feel that God wants me to be working on having. And this circles right on back around to listening to the will of God in your life...when he says to walk away from something he means it. Don't try to cover it up and hide it...walk away from it.
For me at lest this is all part of the bigger picture of having a proper testimony. Making sure that I am first and foremost listening to the will of God for me in my life so that I can have a good testimony in the eyes of my husband and kids. Because with out that good testimony I cannot have a good or lasting testimony when I stand before others.
Thursday, January 20, 2011
3 New Bills Proposed In Texas
Ok, all you Texans out there...there are some new proposed laws out there that you should take the time to read and research. You should take the time read these newly proposed laws to see if you either agree or disagree with them. It's important to support a good law and to challenge a bad one, but in order to be able to do that you need to be aware of the facts of that proposed law. On these bills to get to read the full text of the bill you have to click on the "Text" tab and then chose which format you want to use to read it.
1.) Bill SB 198 - This bill is about creating some exemptions for sex offender registration. It would apply to those who are convicted of certain sex crimes who are no more than 4 years older than the victim or intended victim who is at least 14 years old. Also, in order to gain the exemption is has to be shown that the person's conduct was done only with the CONSENT of the victim or intended victim. This to me sounds like an exemption bill for teenagers who got caught having consensual sex where there is a big enough age difference for one of them to be charged with a sex crime like statutory rape. There is more to this bill than what I have written; so, I encourage you to read it for yourself.
2.) Bill SB 166 - This bill is about civil commitment of sex offenders, and the creation of a state agency to preform the tasks of the civil commitment program which is currently being done by the Council on Sex Offender Treatment. Some examples of those who could be placed in the civil commitment program are those who were found not guilty by reason of insanity, those guilty of certain sexually violent crimes, and those who "may be a repeat sexually violent offender". To me this bill came across like it was probation on steroids. The offender has to notify where they are expected to live once released from prison, has to wear a monitoring system, and has to abide by the "treatment" plan and supervision plan that has been designed for them. If they wish to move they must gain permission to do so. Some of the requirements will include "requiring the person to reside in a Texas residential facility under contract with the office [council] or at another location or facility approved by the office [council]". I do not think that all who are put into the civil commitment program will be required to live in such contracted residential facilities. Also, some of them may be required to live in supervised housing. There will be child safety zones in place for which these offenders cannot live in. They will be subject to polygraphs. There will be assessments to determine if there needs to be changes made to a person's "treatment" plan or to their supervision rules, and to even determine if the person can be taken off of the civil commitment program based on if that particular person is no longer deemed to be a risk to society. There is a LOT to this bill, and I highly recommend that you read it in it's entirety. The reason why I said that this bill sounds like probation on steroids is because a lot of the supervision rules for these offenders sounds a lot like the rules that my ex-step-dad has to abide by for the remaining 9 years that he has left on his probation.
3.) Bill SB 98 - This bill is about human trafficking. Ok, I'm having a hard time understanding this bill. From some of what I do understand this bill seems to outline under what conditions a person can be charged with multiple charges of human trafficking, and if a person is found guilty of multiple charges from the same "episode" they can either serve their time concurrently or consecutively. This bill also states that a victim has 5 years after the day to bring forward a personal injury suit from injuries they suffered from conduct that violates some of the penal codes that they have outlined in this bill...to include sexual assault, aggravated sexual assault, continuous sexual abuse of young child or children, trafficking of persons, trafficking of child in furtherance of sexual conduct or performance, or continuous trafficking of persons. This bill also talks about under which conditions the defendant can receive life in prison. There are sections that talk about getting out on parole, but the person has to serve at least half of their sentence or 30 years which ever is shorter, but must serve a minimum of 2 years. There is so much to this bill, and so many different scenarios that are talked about that I couldn't keep up with what exactly they were talking about. This bill is defiantly something that you have to read for yourself in order to try to understand it. There is just so much that is covered in this bill.
1.) Bill SB 198 - This bill is about creating some exemptions for sex offender registration. It would apply to those who are convicted of certain sex crimes who are no more than 4 years older than the victim or intended victim who is at least 14 years old. Also, in order to gain the exemption is has to be shown that the person's conduct was done only with the CONSENT of the victim or intended victim. This to me sounds like an exemption bill for teenagers who got caught having consensual sex where there is a big enough age difference for one of them to be charged with a sex crime like statutory rape. There is more to this bill than what I have written; so, I encourage you to read it for yourself.
2.) Bill SB 166 - This bill is about civil commitment of sex offenders, and the creation of a state agency to preform the tasks of the civil commitment program which is currently being done by the Council on Sex Offender Treatment. Some examples of those who could be placed in the civil commitment program are those who were found not guilty by reason of insanity, those guilty of certain sexually violent crimes, and those who "may be a repeat sexually violent offender". To me this bill came across like it was probation on steroids. The offender has to notify where they are expected to live once released from prison, has to wear a monitoring system, and has to abide by the "treatment" plan and supervision plan that has been designed for them. If they wish to move they must gain permission to do so. Some of the requirements will include "requiring the person to reside in a Texas residential facility under contract with the office [
3.) Bill SB 98 - This bill is about human trafficking. Ok, I'm having a hard time understanding this bill. From some of what I do understand this bill seems to outline under what conditions a person can be charged with multiple charges of human trafficking, and if a person is found guilty of multiple charges from the same "episode" they can either serve their time concurrently or consecutively. This bill also states that a victim has 5 years after the day to bring forward a personal injury suit from injuries they suffered from conduct that violates some of the penal codes that they have outlined in this bill...to include sexual assault, aggravated sexual assault, continuous sexual abuse of young child or children, trafficking of persons, trafficking of child in furtherance of sexual conduct or performance, or continuous trafficking of persons. This bill also talks about under which conditions the defendant can receive life in prison. There are sections that talk about getting out on parole, but the person has to serve at least half of their sentence or 30 years which ever is shorter, but must serve a minimum of 2 years. There is so much to this bill, and so many different scenarios that are talked about that I couldn't keep up with what exactly they were talking about. This bill is defiantly something that you have to read for yourself in order to try to understand it. There is just so much that is covered in this bill.
Tuesday, January 11, 2011
Mighty To Save by Laura Story
This is yet again another one of those songs that I just love. A great song about the saving grace of God. God truly is mighty to save!! It doesn't matter what your situation is...God has seen it all, and still loves us enough to bring salvation to us. Let me get one thing straight here...a victim of any kind of abuse has done NOTHING WRONG!!! But we tend to take the blame onto ourselves as though we are the guilty party. So, I tend to address things from that stand point; knowing that there are many hurting victims that blame themselves, and think that it is somehow their fault. I've been there...done that, and know how that works. It took me a long time to fully let go of that self blame. It helped me a lot when I realized that it was not a sin that I committed somehow, but that it was a sin that was committed AGAINST me. That is when I first started to realize that the sexual abuse was not my fault. So, whether you are carrying guilt over bad choices that you've made or carrying the guilt of sins that have been committed against you...God is mighty to save, mighty to heal, and mighty to deliver.
Saturday, January 8, 2011
A Link to Rebecca Kiessling's Website & A Side Note About God's Free Gift
I would like to share with all of you a link that has come to my attention. It's a link to Rebecca Kiessling's website. She is a woman who was conceived during a rape, and who has found ultimate healing in Christ Jesus. She for many years wondered who could ever love her because of how she was conceived, but found out that she was created by God and not by the rapist...her conception no longer defines who she is. She has a great testimony, and although she herself was not raped, I feel that she struggled with many of the things that a survivor of rape, sexual abuse, and abuse have suffered with. She beautifully describes how she went from having no self worth to finding out that her value in the eyes of God is incalculable.
Your worth in the eyes of God is INCALCULABLE!!! You are worth more than any amount of silver or gold to God. In fact you have already been bought with a price...the price of God's only son, Jesus Christ, who died for you so that you could have remission of sins, and so that you could live an abundant life. That abundant life includes healing from your hurts, your past, and your sicknesses. There is so much good that God wants for you.
If you would like to receive this free gift from God, all you have to do is say a sincere prayer asking God to forgive you of your sins, ask that He send is son Jesus to come live in your heart, and that He sends His Holy Spirit to come guide you. My next suggestion would be that you start working on cultivating your relationship with God by finding a good church, reading your Bible (start with the New Testament), and by praying. Pray and ask God to help you heal from your past, and to open your eyes to show you the life that He has planned for you.
I hope that doesn't sound like too much. The prayer just has to come from your heart and be sincere. I think the number one thing that a new Christian needs to do is to grow and cultivate their relationship with God. I hope that you, whom ever you are, will accept this free gift from God. Accepting God into my life was the best thing that I have ever done.
Your worth in the eyes of God is INCALCULABLE!!! You are worth more than any amount of silver or gold to God. In fact you have already been bought with a price...the price of God's only son, Jesus Christ, who died for you so that you could have remission of sins, and so that you could live an abundant life. That abundant life includes healing from your hurts, your past, and your sicknesses. There is so much good that God wants for you.
If you would like to receive this free gift from God, all you have to do is say a sincere prayer asking God to forgive you of your sins, ask that He send is son Jesus to come live in your heart, and that He sends His Holy Spirit to come guide you. My next suggestion would be that you start working on cultivating your relationship with God by finding a good church, reading your Bible (start with the New Testament), and by praying. Pray and ask God to help you heal from your past, and to open your eyes to show you the life that He has planned for you.
I hope that doesn't sound like too much. The prayer just has to come from your heart and be sincere. I think the number one thing that a new Christian needs to do is to grow and cultivate their relationship with God. I hope that you, whom ever you are, will accept this free gift from God. Accepting God into my life was the best thing that I have ever done.
Friday, January 7, 2011
Amazing Grace My Chains Are Gone
I love this version of Amazing Grace. As a survivor of sexual abuse I have often felt like I was chained to my abuse, my abuser, and my past. And I think it's reasonable to say that most people at one time or another have felt chained to something...sin, addiction, bad choices, abuse, and even just every day things. But it is through the price that was paid on the cross by Jesus Christ that we can be set free from those chains. I know that I have been set free from my chains of abuse, and what a glorious freedom it is!!! It is my hope that as you draw closer to God that you will allow Him to set you free. I know all too well how difficult the process can be, but oh, what a glorious and wondrous freedom there is awaiting you in the arms of the Healer. God's grace truly is amazing, and His love unending.
Wednesday, January 5, 2011
Nicole C. Mullen - Come Unto Me [Lyrics]
This is another one of those songs that I just love!! Jesus is saying "come unto me", and He will take you just as you are because he loves you more than you can imagine. He wants you to bring to Him your hurt, pain, sorrow, brokenness, and loneliness, and He will give you joy, peace, happiness, and love. Jesus will enrich your life more than you can imagine. But God doesn't just want us to bring him our pain and sorrow; he wants to rejoice with us in our joy and happiness too.
RESCUE ME / SELAH
This is one of my favorite songs of all time (of which I have many). I can completely identify with the feeling of being so overwhelmed that it's like your drowning. I just identify with the message of this song so much. I have found it to be true in my life experiences that when I truly give my problems to God that my burdens are lifted and much easier to work with. I just love this song because when I feel overwhelmed it's like my soul cries out with it for God to rescue me. I don't know how to explain it...this song is soothing to my soul because I know that my God and King will rescue me.
Monday, January 3, 2011
So, I Thought I Was Ready To Come Home
Oh, how I was ready to come home after our trip to see family. I was excited to get home and to go into supermom mode...cleaning house faster than a speeding bullet. I figured that THIS TIME I would be able to kick it into gear, and to be able to do all the things that I wanted to do without getting too overwhelmed. But it was not to be I guess. After everything...all the toys, suitcases, and anything else that was brought home made it into the house...the overwhelming / paralyzing feeling just took over. We are blessed with a family that loves to give gifts to the kids, but then where to put it all...and what about laundry...and dishes....oh, and don't forget the house needs food in it. I guess that I just allowed myself to get bogged down with it all.
A tornado hit the military post where my husband works; so, he's been called back to work a few days early for the clean up. So, when the girls got into everything and our living room started to look like a tornado zone I knew that my husband wouldn't want to come home to that. You would think that knowing that would help me get my butt into gear and get to cleaning, but no it didn't. I was feeling to overwhelmed / paralyzed by that time to be able to do anything. So, he came home, and got to cleaning. The hardest part is seeing the disappointment on his face and body. Once he got it all picked up I was able to pitch in and help some.
Sometimes I sit and wonder how it is that I became this way. I wasn't like this in high school. I know that I've never been that great at keeping up with house work, but I don't ever remember feeling so overwhelmed that I felt paralyzed. As far as I can tell this problem started when I started dealing with the sexual abuse that I went through, and I long for the days when I didn't have this problem. But then I have to remind myself that back in the days when I didn't have this problem I had other problems that were much worse (like sexual abuse and a suicidal mother). I know that I'm gaining some victories over this "feeling so overwhelmed that I'm paralyzed " feeling, but I can't help but wish that the fight was over and that I've won. I don't like this fight, and the disappointment that it causes not only with-in myself, but with my husband as well. I don't know if he realizes just what he did for me the other night when he cleaned up all the toys, and clothes off the floor from our trip. Once I could see the floor again I could feel that paralyzing feeling lifting off of me. He put me in a much better position for being able to tackle the rest of the house. If he had not helped me like that, I don't know how long it would have taken me to snap out of it...several days too many, would be my guess.
I thank the Lord for giving me the strength to continue with this fight. It's all too easy for me to just give in to being paralyzed by my feelings of being overwhelmed, and to sit and do nothing all day. I know that's not God's will for my life, and it's not the life that I want to live. God willing, and I think that He is, I will one day win this war.
A tornado hit the military post where my husband works; so, he's been called back to work a few days early for the clean up. So, when the girls got into everything and our living room started to look like a tornado zone I knew that my husband wouldn't want to come home to that. You would think that knowing that would help me get my butt into gear and get to cleaning, but no it didn't. I was feeling to overwhelmed / paralyzed by that time to be able to do anything. So, he came home, and got to cleaning. The hardest part is seeing the disappointment on his face and body. Once he got it all picked up I was able to pitch in and help some.
Sometimes I sit and wonder how it is that I became this way. I wasn't like this in high school. I know that I've never been that great at keeping up with house work, but I don't ever remember feeling so overwhelmed that I felt paralyzed. As far as I can tell this problem started when I started dealing with the sexual abuse that I went through, and I long for the days when I didn't have this problem. But then I have to remind myself that back in the days when I didn't have this problem I had other problems that were much worse (like sexual abuse and a suicidal mother). I know that I'm gaining some victories over this "feeling so overwhelmed that I'm paralyzed " feeling, but I can't help but wish that the fight was over and that I've won. I don't like this fight, and the disappointment that it causes not only with-in myself, but with my husband as well. I don't know if he realizes just what he did for me the other night when he cleaned up all the toys, and clothes off the floor from our trip. Once I could see the floor again I could feel that paralyzing feeling lifting off of me. He put me in a much better position for being able to tackle the rest of the house. If he had not helped me like that, I don't know how long it would have taken me to snap out of it...several days too many, would be my guess.
I thank the Lord for giving me the strength to continue with this fight. It's all too easy for me to just give in to being paralyzed by my feelings of being overwhelmed, and to sit and do nothing all day. I know that's not God's will for my life, and it's not the life that I want to live. God willing, and I think that He is, I will one day win this war.
Tuesday, December 28, 2010
Merry Christmas
I hope everyone had a great Christmas. So far my Christmas break is going pretty good. I've had some stress, but I feel like I'm handling it well. Over all I am enjoying visiting family, and I wish the same for all of you. God bless, and I wish you all a safe New Year. I hope that the New Year brings healing, deliverance, peace, and joy to your life.
Saturday, December 18, 2010
Joy Unspeakable
What to say about joy unspeakable...
Over the past year I have come a very long way in my healing, and I continue to grow and heal. I have had at least two great life changing experiences with God that have really changed me. One was back on October 10th, and the other was over Thanksgiving weekend. What happened is mainly between me and God right now...I'm not ready to share the details with the world. But what I do want to share that has everything to do with these two experiences is...joy unspeakable. Almost on the daily bases I feel like I'm getting a clear view of what it means for me to just live life...to live it free from the bondage of my past. It's a glorious thing to be able to see that. And what's even more glorious is that I can feel joy entering into my spirit every time I get a glimpse of life...my life...free from bondage. Oh, joy unspeakable!!
It's the kind of joy that lets me know that I'm on the right path, and that all will be ok. This is God doing a work in me that I cannot do myself. The fog of abuse is so thick that most of the time people have a hard time seeing their way out of it. When I get these glimpses of my life being on the right track it's like God's growing joy inside my soul!!!
What I want you to know is that I'm a normal person, and I have my ups and downs. I don't usually go around all bubbly and joyful. I still have some struggles that need to be conquered, and I just haven't had the courage to share them with you. But what I do want you to be able to get from me sharing this with you is that it is possible to heal...to have genuine joy in your life again. I have found that the more I truly trust God to heal me the more He does, and the more joy there is returning to my life...entering and growing in my spirit, and I just praise God for it.
Over the past year I have come a very long way in my healing, and I continue to grow and heal. I have had at least two great life changing experiences with God that have really changed me. One was back on October 10th, and the other was over Thanksgiving weekend. What happened is mainly between me and God right now...I'm not ready to share the details with the world. But what I do want to share that has everything to do with these two experiences is...joy unspeakable. Almost on the daily bases I feel like I'm getting a clear view of what it means for me to just live life...to live it free from the bondage of my past. It's a glorious thing to be able to see that. And what's even more glorious is that I can feel joy entering into my spirit every time I get a glimpse of life...my life...free from bondage. Oh, joy unspeakable!!
It's the kind of joy that lets me know that I'm on the right path, and that all will be ok. This is God doing a work in me that I cannot do myself. The fog of abuse is so thick that most of the time people have a hard time seeing their way out of it. When I get these glimpses of my life being on the right track it's like God's growing joy inside my soul!!!
What I want you to know is that I'm a normal person, and I have my ups and downs. I don't usually go around all bubbly and joyful. I still have some struggles that need to be conquered, and I just haven't had the courage to share them with you. But what I do want you to be able to get from me sharing this with you is that it is possible to heal...to have genuine joy in your life again. I have found that the more I truly trust God to heal me the more He does, and the more joy there is returning to my life...entering and growing in my spirit, and I just praise God for it.
Tuesday, November 30, 2010
Britt Nicole - Hanging On (Slideshow With Lyrics)
I love this song because it truly has been by holding onto God and His word that I am where I am today. I have done a lot of counceling and group therapy, but I feel as though God has used that to help me get to where I am today. It's a life long process to become the person who God made you to be, and as long as you're holding onto God and His word you'll do great. And always remember that GOD LOVES YOU!!
Beautiful by MercyMe (Lyrics)
You are Beautiful and Loved by God. You are Treasured and Sacred...you are God's Beloved. You are more than the pain that you hold inside; you are made for so much more than all of that. You are Beautiful and Loved by God. God is madly in love with you...enough to die for you. You are so Beautiful, Precious, Treasured, and Sacred in the eyes of God. He longs to touch your breaking heart and to heal you of your pain. This is a great song about being beautiful in the eyes of God.
Monday, November 29, 2010
Happy Thanksgiving
I hope that all of you had a great Thanksgiving, and for all of you outside of the U.S I hope that you had a great November 25th. I am truly thankful for my relationship with God, my husband, my kids, and my family. I think it's great when we take the time to think about what we are thankful for...the good in our lives. Wow! What a mood changer that can be. I know people who when they are feeling sad who sit down and think about all that they are thankful for in their lives. And it helps them to appreciate and focus on the good instead of dwelling on the negative...it helps put things into perspective. I think that's a big challenge for abuse survivors.
For anyone who has lived through any kind of abuse it's such a trauma in our lives that it becomes a center peace of our life and of our thinking. The challenge then becomes trying to get untangled from the mass of negative thoughts and feelings that our minds become submerged in. It's like our minds don't know any other way of being, and it takes a re-training (in a sense) of our minds to over come it. You have to be dedicated to becoming healthy, and to seek out resources that will help you to be able to move forward with your life. You first have to be willing to make changes in order for there to be any possibility of a change occurring because with out willingness you will remain stuck where you are at.
Oh, did I mention that I am thankful for my pets. What are you thankful for? Why not take some time to sit down and think about all that you are thankful for...all the good in your life. You just might smile, and I hope you do. Take care of yourselves and God bless.
For anyone who has lived through any kind of abuse it's such a trauma in our lives that it becomes a center peace of our life and of our thinking. The challenge then becomes trying to get untangled from the mass of negative thoughts and feelings that our minds become submerged in. It's like our minds don't know any other way of being, and it takes a re-training (in a sense) of our minds to over come it. You have to be dedicated to becoming healthy, and to seek out resources that will help you to be able to move forward with your life. You first have to be willing to make changes in order for there to be any possibility of a change occurring because with out willingness you will remain stuck where you are at.
Oh, did I mention that I am thankful for my pets. What are you thankful for? Why not take some time to sit down and think about all that you are thankful for...all the good in your life. You just might smile, and I hope you do. Take care of yourselves and God bless.
Tuesday, November 9, 2010
Point Of Grace - There Is Nothing Greater Than Grace
Wow!! This is an awesome song. There is no grace greater than the grace of Jesus!! The grace of God is His unmerited favor toward you. You can not earn God's grace, but He gives it FREELY to you because HE LOVES YOU. Yes, God loves YOU!! "There is no valley, there is no darkness, there is no sorrow, there is no moment, there is no distance greater than the grace of Jesus. There is no heartbreak that He can't take you through. Remember that there is nothing greater than grace. So don't lose hope, don't let go, don't give up, you are not alone". What a great message, and these are such great words. There is such an awesome truth in the words of this song. No one is too lost to be saved by the grace of Jesus. It doesn't matter what is in your past it can all be forgiven, and it can all be healed...for there is NOTHING GREATER THAN THE GRACE OF JESUS!!
ASCA - A New Link To Check Out
I have added a new link. The ASCA - Survivor to Thriver Manual Please check it out and check out their Home Page ( http://www.ascasupport.org/index.php ) as well. I found this link today on RAINN's Facebook page. So, I admit that I haven't had the time to read it. I have looked at the table of contents and their Home Page though, and judging from that this looks like a really good resource website. ASCA stands for Adult Survivors of Childhood Abuse.
Tuesday, November 2, 2010
Alive- Avalon (With Lyrics)
I ABSOLUTLY LOVE THIS SONG!!! THIS IS MY THEME SONG!! God has been so good to me, and has really helped me overcome my past so much in the past few months...I WILL NEVER BE THE SAME...I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING WITHIN...FINALLY I'M BREATHING AGAIN...I WON'T LET THIS CHANCE GO BY...WATCH ME WHILE I COME ALIVE...EVERY SECOND YOU AWAKEN MY SOUL...RIGHT BEFORE MY VERY EYES...WATCH ME WHILE I COME ALIVE!!! Just listen to the words of this song. For me at lest, this song is very powerful, and I feel so empowered when I listen to it. I hope that you will feel the same way too.
Saturday, October 30, 2010
Finally Arriving
I feel like I'm finally arriving at a healing point that I have only dreamed about until now. It's an amazing feeling to be here, and I'll do my best to try to describe and explain where I'm finally at in my healing journey. My God is such an awesome God, and I would not be where I'm at if it weren't for God's loving grace, and His delivering power.
The three support groups that I'm in now in conjunction with my faith have really done a lot to help me in the past several weeks. There is a truth that I have know about, but have never fully experienced until now. Logically I have known for quite some time that to fully heal that I would have to come to a place where I can experience my memories without them affecting me so much, and a place where my past does not rule over my present life. It has been 9 years since I have come out of denial about the sexual abuse, and even longer from the time the abuse started until now (about 13 years). Think about that...I have been in one way or another dealing with this for 13 years!! I can honestly say that I wish that it hadn't taken 13 years to get to where I'm at today. My life has been marred by this sexual abuse for far too long. But long before the sexual abuse began there was also mental abuse, and my life has been marred by that for far too long also. I am reclaiming my life, and my past has no power and authority over me today. I claim that in the name of MY LORD and SAVIOR JESUS CHRIST!!
One of the turning points for me was a quote that I read in one of my group books, "If you are willing to have an emotion, feeling, thought, or memory instead of attempting to control it, then the agenda of control is undermined, and you are free from the inevitable by-products of this agenda" (Get Out of Your Mind & Into Your Life by: Steven C. Hayes, PH.D. with Spencer Smith, pg. 125). Wow! what a great truth that was for me. By trying to block my unpleasant memories and triggers I was giving control over to those unpleasant memories and triggers. I then became powerless over them, but that quote showed me how to take the control back. I can't wish the past away, and I can't erase it from my memory...it is what it is, and I have to just let it be. I have to understand AND be OK with the fact that these painful memories exist. I have to know that at times I'm going to have thoughts and memories (and even painful ones) about my past. And most importantly I have to be OK with all of that, and willing to experience them just as they are without trying to control it in any way. I have to take it in, and then let it out without dwelling on it and feeding the negative feelings that arise from it. What I am learning from the Get Out of Your Mind & Into Your Life book is how to experience my memories (to just let them be) without feeding the negative emotions that come with those memories. This is a place that I have always known that I needed to reach in order to be able to move on with my life, but I guess that I just wasn't ready until now. I truly wish that it hadn't taken me this long to get here. It's a process that can't be rushed, faked, or forced. It has to come from a heart that is willing to except the past for what it is, and be willing to move forward with it without trying to control those emotions, feelings, thoughts, or memories. You have to be willing to experience them for what they are and then to move forward instead of dwelling on it...you are the only one who can do this; no one can do it for you.
I have also had an awesome experience at the church that I got to. I won't go into detail about it, but I will tell you about the insight that I have gained from it. This truly was a major turning point for me, and I felt so many burdens lifted from me that day. Sexual abuse is like a really bad family curse that can be passed down from generation to generation. I have spent so much time worrying if my children would at some point in their lives be affected by that curse I couldn't see their future. How awful is that!!! I couldn't tell what kind of future my children would have because I was so worried about them falling pray to this family curse!!! Again HOW AWFUL IS THAT!!! BUT! no more will I dwell on that. I feel as though that burden was lifted from me that day, and I can now see that my children have a bright future blessed from God!! That in itself is an amazing turn around to me. I feel free to truly focus on my children, and free to fully focus on becoming the mother to my children that I want to be. It's not going to be easy, but I'm more determined than I've ever been. And that determination alone is going to help me more easily conquer the areas that I need to work on. Can you see how my past was poisoning my life? The constant worrying was like a poison affecting every aspect of my life...poisoning my relationships with my children and with my husband. But I say to my past, "You have no authority here! You have no authority over my life! You have no authority over me! You will no longer rule over me and my life! I am setting myself free from you!".
So, this is where I am at today...living a life that is even MORE blessed of God than it was before! I give God all the glory for bringing me here to where I am at today. It is God who is helping me to purge the poison of my past out of my life today. It is God that has helped me get to a place where I can accept my memories without them ruling over me. To be able to accept there will be bumps in the road still, but that I can keep them from ruling over me. It is God who has placed the people in my life that have helped me so much, and it was God who lead me to the groups that I have been in. It has always been in God's hands; who have lovingly guided me all these years to bring me through this, and He will always be there to guide me.
The three support groups that I'm in now in conjunction with my faith have really done a lot to help me in the past several weeks. There is a truth that I have know about, but have never fully experienced until now. Logically I have known for quite some time that to fully heal that I would have to come to a place where I can experience my memories without them affecting me so much, and a place where my past does not rule over my present life. It has been 9 years since I have come out of denial about the sexual abuse, and even longer from the time the abuse started until now (about 13 years). Think about that...I have been in one way or another dealing with this for 13 years!! I can honestly say that I wish that it hadn't taken 13 years to get to where I'm at today. My life has been marred by this sexual abuse for far too long. But long before the sexual abuse began there was also mental abuse, and my life has been marred by that for far too long also. I am reclaiming my life, and my past has no power and authority over me today. I claim that in the name of MY LORD and SAVIOR JESUS CHRIST!!
One of the turning points for me was a quote that I read in one of my group books, "If you are willing to have an emotion, feeling, thought, or memory instead of attempting to control it, then the agenda of control is undermined, and you are free from the inevitable by-products of this agenda" (Get Out of Your Mind & Into Your Life by: Steven C. Hayes, PH.D. with Spencer Smith, pg. 125). Wow! what a great truth that was for me. By trying to block my unpleasant memories and triggers I was giving control over to those unpleasant memories and triggers. I then became powerless over them, but that quote showed me how to take the control back. I can't wish the past away, and I can't erase it from my memory...it is what it is, and I have to just let it be. I have to understand AND be OK with the fact that these painful memories exist. I have to know that at times I'm going to have thoughts and memories (and even painful ones) about my past. And most importantly I have to be OK with all of that, and willing to experience them just as they are without trying to control it in any way. I have to take it in, and then let it out without dwelling on it and feeding the negative feelings that arise from it. What I am learning from the Get Out of Your Mind & Into Your Life book is how to experience my memories (to just let them be) without feeding the negative emotions that come with those memories. This is a place that I have always known that I needed to reach in order to be able to move on with my life, but I guess that I just wasn't ready until now. I truly wish that it hadn't taken me this long to get here. It's a process that can't be rushed, faked, or forced. It has to come from a heart that is willing to except the past for what it is, and be willing to move forward with it without trying to control those emotions, feelings, thoughts, or memories. You have to be willing to experience them for what they are and then to move forward instead of dwelling on it...you are the only one who can do this; no one can do it for you.
I have also had an awesome experience at the church that I got to. I won't go into detail about it, but I will tell you about the insight that I have gained from it. This truly was a major turning point for me, and I felt so many burdens lifted from me that day. Sexual abuse is like a really bad family curse that can be passed down from generation to generation. I have spent so much time worrying if my children would at some point in their lives be affected by that curse I couldn't see their future. How awful is that!!! I couldn't tell what kind of future my children would have because I was so worried about them falling pray to this family curse!!! Again HOW AWFUL IS THAT!!! BUT! no more will I dwell on that. I feel as though that burden was lifted from me that day, and I can now see that my children have a bright future blessed from God!! That in itself is an amazing turn around to me. I feel free to truly focus on my children, and free to fully focus on becoming the mother to my children that I want to be. It's not going to be easy, but I'm more determined than I've ever been. And that determination alone is going to help me more easily conquer the areas that I need to work on. Can you see how my past was poisoning my life? The constant worrying was like a poison affecting every aspect of my life...poisoning my relationships with my children and with my husband. But I say to my past, "You have no authority here! You have no authority over my life! You have no authority over me! You will no longer rule over me and my life! I am setting myself free from you!".
So, this is where I am at today...living a life that is even MORE blessed of God than it was before! I give God all the glory for bringing me here to where I am at today. It is God who is helping me to purge the poison of my past out of my life today. It is God that has helped me get to a place where I can accept my memories without them ruling over me. To be able to accept there will be bumps in the road still, but that I can keep them from ruling over me. It is God who has placed the people in my life that have helped me so much, and it was God who lead me to the groups that I have been in. It has always been in God's hands; who have lovingly guided me all these years to bring me through this, and He will always be there to guide me.
Monday, September 20, 2010
My Letter To Jordan Smith & The Austin Chronicle Regarding The Article "Sex Offenders Exposed"
I recently read an article "Sex Offenders Exposed" by Jordan Smith of the Austin Chronicle. This article really upset me. The article is about how some people want sex offenders to have a path for de-registration. Read it for yourself. Below is a copy of a two page letter that I wrote to Jordan and the Austin Chronicle showing them how their article "Sex Offenders Exposed" is completely one sided, and minimizes what a victim has gone through. I have also submitted a shorter 300 word letter to the editor; which was very difficult for me to do because these facts don't fit into 300 words.
Dear Jordan Smith,
Your article on Sex Offenders comes across as completely one sided. Why is it that a person has to be considered to be sexually VIOLENT to be a threat, and the only ones that need to be kept track of? A person does NOT have to be sexually violent to pose a further threat to children, and society at large. While it is true that the more violent the crime the more likely the offender is to repeat it; not all repeat offenders are violent. “Nearly 1/3 of child victimizers had NEVER BEFORE been ARRESTED PRIOR to the CURRENT OFFENSE, compared to less than 20% of those who victimized adults” (www.yellodyno.com). The RIGHT OF A CHILD TO BE A CHILD is far more IMPORTANT than taking an offender’s word that he or she won’t do it again because far too many of them do, do it again. Why are there so many who are willing to gamble with the innocence of a child? Did you know that “3 in 10 victimizers reported that they had committed their crimes against MULTIPLE VICTIMS: they were MORE likely than those who victimized adults to HAVE HAD MULTIPLE VICTIMS” (www.yellodyno.com). The typical child molester has about 117 victims most of which DO NOT REPORT what happened (www.sexoffenderfinder.com). 1-10% of child molestations is never disclosed which makes it one of the most UNDERREPORTED crimes; much like rape (www.yellodyno.com). Dr. Ann Burgers and others in a study of imprisoned offenders found that their actions were “highly repetitive, to the point of compulsion, rather than resulting from a lack of judgment”. In a National Crime Victimization Survey in 1996 it was found that less than 1 in every 3 rapes and sexual assaults was reported. Offenders who have child victims on average have shorter sentences than those who have adult victims (www.yellodyno.com).
Your argument that the sex offender registry is not effective because most sex offences occur at the hands of someone the victim knows is laughable to me. While it is true that most sex offences occur at the hands of someone the victims knows; that offender was a stranger at some point in their lives. A family who is getting to know someone should have access to the registry to know if that person is a known threat or not. Of the child abuse sex offenders 60% are an acquaintance…that is someone the family doesn’t know that well (www.yellodyno.com). Why wouldn’t the registry provide useful information to families when they are making new friends, or to a single parent who is making new friends who will be around their children?
Senator John Whitmire’s words of, “we’re painting everybody with a broad brush” is no excuse for taking the measures that he and Texas Voices proposes. They cry and say that they are being painted with the broad brush of sex offender, but their solution is to use a broad brush to allow almost all sex offenders a way to get off the registry. I don’t know anyone who thinks that makes sense. If they truly want to help those who end up on this list who shouldn’t be there, then their efforts should be to have the laws clarified so that those who don’t belong on the list don’t end up on it. And not geared towards making a way for those who should be on the sex offender list a way to get off. The problems that they are talking about seem to be due to the wording of the laws, and not the registry itself. Also, the Adam Walsh Child Protection and Safety Act of 2006 sets limits to how long an offender has to register based on what tier they are in. Tier 1 sex offenders register for 15 years, Tier 2 for 25 years, and Tier 3 for life (www.ncsl.org). In addition the State can decide to shorten the registration length according to the Tier system for having a clean record for a certain amount of time, and for completing certain programs (www.ncsl.org). There were also many grants available for the States to help with the funding of the implementation of the Adam Walsh Child Protection and Safety Act of 2006; most of which have expired, but they were there for the States to use. If the State wanted help with the funding then they shouldn’t have waited until the funding ended to try to implement this law. All of which you could have easily found out if you did any research into the Act, but judging from your article it doesn’t look like you did. Or you did, and the facts didn’t work with the one-sidedness of your story so you choose to leave it out.
Your article also talks about “risk-assessment tools” that are designed to determine the offender’s chances that he or she will reoffend. I am not against the use of such “tools”, but I feel as though those “tools” are not up-to-date as they should be. So while their “tools” tell them that my offender is at a “low” risk of reoffending I have to wonder what they are thinking. If he was only going to do it one time, why then did I go through a year and a half to two years of abuse? That is the actions of someone who is willing to repeat their disgusting actions over and over again. Do their “risk-assessment tools” take into account the maliciousness of his trickery, and how well he had planned his deception? I am only left to believe that their “risk-assessment tools” do not take those things and other things into account; because if they did then there would be no way that he would be listed as being at a “low” risk to reoffend.
Your article also talks about the unfortunate effects the registry has on the family members of those who are on the list. It is very unfortunate that the children who live with someone who is on the list are affected in such ways, and children should not have to bear the consequences of the actions of another person. This is again a spot where your article is once again one sided. There are real victims behind these sex offenders whose lives are forever changed. Who live with the shame of what has been done to them. What about the life sentence that a victim has. A victim/ survivor of sexual abuse and sexual assault will never be able to apply to have that part of their life fixed. And the justice system only re-victimizes. As the victim & survivor of childhood sexual abuse the court system treated me more like I was the bad person, and pandered to just about every wish that my abuser had. As victims and survivors we are told to be silent and to not talk about what we have been through. Any form of abuse thrives and lives in the silence. It’s not right to ask a victim and a survivor to return to that silence because it’s inconvenient to others. Articles like yours say that the victims of these crimes aren’t important enough to make sure that fixes are done properly, and that what we have suffered is minimized; but it does say, “let’s just use that same broad brush that we’re complaining about to set almost all of the sex offenders free from the registry list”. Where would be the Justice in that? There wouldn’t be.
Here are the websites that I got these statistics from:
1.) http://www.yellodyno.com/html/rape_stats.html
2.) http://www.yellodyno.com/html/child_molester_stats.html
3.) http://www.sexoffenderfinder.com/statistics.htm
4.) http://www.ncsl.org/IssuesResearch/CivilandCriminalJustice/HR4472AdamWalshChildProtectionandSafetyAc/tabid/12699/Default.aspx
Dear Jordan Smith,
Your article on Sex Offenders comes across as completely one sided. Why is it that a person has to be considered to be sexually VIOLENT to be a threat, and the only ones that need to be kept track of? A person does NOT have to be sexually violent to pose a further threat to children, and society at large. While it is true that the more violent the crime the more likely the offender is to repeat it; not all repeat offenders are violent. “Nearly 1/3 of child victimizers had NEVER BEFORE been ARRESTED PRIOR to the CURRENT OFFENSE, compared to less than 20% of those who victimized adults” (www.yellodyno.com). The RIGHT OF A CHILD TO BE A CHILD is far more IMPORTANT than taking an offender’s word that he or she won’t do it again because far too many of them do, do it again. Why are there so many who are willing to gamble with the innocence of a child? Did you know that “3 in 10 victimizers reported that they had committed their crimes against MULTIPLE VICTIMS: they were MORE likely than those who victimized adults to HAVE HAD MULTIPLE VICTIMS” (www.yellodyno.com). The typical child molester has about 117 victims most of which DO NOT REPORT what happened (www.sexoffenderfinder.com). 1-10% of child molestations is never disclosed which makes it one of the most UNDERREPORTED crimes; much like rape (www.yellodyno.com). Dr. Ann Burgers and others in a study of imprisoned offenders found that their actions were “highly repetitive, to the point of compulsion, rather than resulting from a lack of judgment”. In a National Crime Victimization Survey in 1996 it was found that less than 1 in every 3 rapes and sexual assaults was reported. Offenders who have child victims on average have shorter sentences than those who have adult victims (www.yellodyno.com).
Your argument that the sex offender registry is not effective because most sex offences occur at the hands of someone the victim knows is laughable to me. While it is true that most sex offences occur at the hands of someone the victims knows; that offender was a stranger at some point in their lives. A family who is getting to know someone should have access to the registry to know if that person is a known threat or not. Of the child abuse sex offenders 60% are an acquaintance…that is someone the family doesn’t know that well (www.yellodyno.com). Why wouldn’t the registry provide useful information to families when they are making new friends, or to a single parent who is making new friends who will be around their children?
Senator John Whitmire’s words of, “we’re painting everybody with a broad brush” is no excuse for taking the measures that he and Texas Voices proposes. They cry and say that they are being painted with the broad brush of sex offender, but their solution is to use a broad brush to allow almost all sex offenders a way to get off the registry. I don’t know anyone who thinks that makes sense. If they truly want to help those who end up on this list who shouldn’t be there, then their efforts should be to have the laws clarified so that those who don’t belong on the list don’t end up on it. And not geared towards making a way for those who should be on the sex offender list a way to get off. The problems that they are talking about seem to be due to the wording of the laws, and not the registry itself. Also, the Adam Walsh Child Protection and Safety Act of 2006 sets limits to how long an offender has to register based on what tier they are in. Tier 1 sex offenders register for 15 years, Tier 2 for 25 years, and Tier 3 for life (www.ncsl.org). In addition the State can decide to shorten the registration length according to the Tier system for having a clean record for a certain amount of time, and for completing certain programs (www.ncsl.org). There were also many grants available for the States to help with the funding of the implementation of the Adam Walsh Child Protection and Safety Act of 2006; most of which have expired, but they were there for the States to use. If the State wanted help with the funding then they shouldn’t have waited until the funding ended to try to implement this law. All of which you could have easily found out if you did any research into the Act, but judging from your article it doesn’t look like you did. Or you did, and the facts didn’t work with the one-sidedness of your story so you choose to leave it out.
Your article also talks about “risk-assessment tools” that are designed to determine the offender’s chances that he or she will reoffend. I am not against the use of such “tools”, but I feel as though those “tools” are not up-to-date as they should be. So while their “tools” tell them that my offender is at a “low” risk of reoffending I have to wonder what they are thinking. If he was only going to do it one time, why then did I go through a year and a half to two years of abuse? That is the actions of someone who is willing to repeat their disgusting actions over and over again. Do their “risk-assessment tools” take into account the maliciousness of his trickery, and how well he had planned his deception? I am only left to believe that their “risk-assessment tools” do not take those things and other things into account; because if they did then there would be no way that he would be listed as being at a “low” risk to reoffend.
Your article also talks about the unfortunate effects the registry has on the family members of those who are on the list. It is very unfortunate that the children who live with someone who is on the list are affected in such ways, and children should not have to bear the consequences of the actions of another person. This is again a spot where your article is once again one sided. There are real victims behind these sex offenders whose lives are forever changed. Who live with the shame of what has been done to them. What about the life sentence that a victim has. A victim/ survivor of sexual abuse and sexual assault will never be able to apply to have that part of their life fixed. And the justice system only re-victimizes. As the victim & survivor of childhood sexual abuse the court system treated me more like I was the bad person, and pandered to just about every wish that my abuser had. As victims and survivors we are told to be silent and to not talk about what we have been through. Any form of abuse thrives and lives in the silence. It’s not right to ask a victim and a survivor to return to that silence because it’s inconvenient to others. Articles like yours say that the victims of these crimes aren’t important enough to make sure that fixes are done properly, and that what we have suffered is minimized; but it does say, “let’s just use that same broad brush that we’re complaining about to set almost all of the sex offenders free from the registry list”. Where would be the Justice in that? There wouldn’t be.
Regards,
Leah K.
Here are the websites that I got these statistics from:
1.) http://www.yellodyno.com/html/rape_stats.html
2.) http://www.yellodyno.com/html/child_molester_stats.html
3.) http://www.sexoffenderfinder.com/statistics.htm
4.) http://www.ncsl.org/IssuesResearch/CivilandCriminalJustice/HR4472AdamWalshChildProtectionandSafetyAc/tabid/12699/Default.aspx
Thursday, September 16, 2010
"let it out" Chris and Conrad
I just love this song right now!!! After we have suffered abuse a lot of us put on masks to hide what's really going on with us. The parts of this song that I love the most are, "let it out, let it out, everything you've worked so hard to hide...let it out, let it out, leave it at the cross where Jesus died...take off your mask, find peace at last, cause he loves you more than you could ever know...let it out...admit how much you need healing, let him bring it all to you...trade it all for love and freedom...let the past go...it will never define you...let it out...". What an amazing song to me. It's so important to let it out because when we keep the abuse all pined up inside of us it just eats away at us. There is so much freedom to be found by bringing it to Jesus and giving it to him. I don't try to pretend that this is an easy thing for everyone to do...there are times when I find that there are parts of my abuse that I haven't fully give over to God, and I have to bring those things to the feet of Jesus and allow him to do a healing work within me. There are times when the hurt and pain rise up again within me, and I have to forgive all over again and learn to give it all back to Jesus once again. The abuse of my past WILL NOT define me.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)